Throw Momma from the Computer

I am sitting down at the computer for the first time in what seems like a week. My family has a computer game addiction, thanks to the Davis' grandparents, and it is Zoo Tycoon. Who knew that this game would be such a hit? Darby loves it, to the point of needing an intervention. Even Scott loves it, pondering the best resolution for his burgeoning moose population and the health and well being of his ibex family. This game should have come with a warning label for OCD types, because King OCD and his progeny are fixated.

Darby has reverted to some interesting problem solving tactics. When you build your zoo, install refreshment stands and umbrella tables everywhere, and then when your customers complain about being thirsty, do not install water fountains - just sell off the whole thing, pack up and move to Florida. I think a psychologist could draw a link between the number of moves Darby has made, plus the way she solves problems. Hmmm......

Spoiler Alert

The following post contains info about "Marley and Me" and "The Sound of Music." I was disappointed for two completely different reasons, but feel the need to share my experiences here, in my blog, my home of my thoughts.

I took my girls to see that feel-good, holiday movie "Marley and Me". I must say that the movie was not bad, it was well written, and the story was true and realistic...for a grown man and woman. The girls, having seen all the advertisements on Nickelodeon kids' shows, seemed to think that the movie was about Marley, the dog - how wrong they were. This movie is about marriage, child-rearing, relationship struggles, and a mid-life crisis. My children were subjected to talk about sex and various images thereof, child loss, post partum depression, and a couple of scenes of neighborhood violence. And this was a PG movie. It kind of makes you wonder what Hollywood would market to children, label as PG, and show on Nickelodeon.

My other spoiler for today comes from an article I read in the Arkansas Democrat yesterday. (Long road trip + Sunday paper=Sheree OD on news.) Do you know how much truth is in the Sound of Music? Very little, as it turns out. There were seven children and the governness named Maria. But Liesl is not a part of the family. There is no young love story, no sixteen year old girl sweetly taking care of the younger kids. The oldest child, a male, was 27 years old when the escape was made. The Von Trapps made it over to America in 1938 and performed as family singers for years. Maria had three children of her own, and all of them lived in an inn in Stowe, Vermont. Maria was certainly not a lovely songbird - she was domineering and demanding and forced all the children to abide by her wishes and serve her. Pretty much all of the children rebelled against her and her youngest, a son, was put upon to run the inn. He resented it, saying that he would rather do something he wanted to do, but could not battle with the powerful force of mommy Maria. She died in the mid Eighties, and after which all the kids had interests in the inn and started suing each other. The animosity amongst the children was great and it took years of battles before everyone backed out of the inn, which is now run by Maria's grandson and son of her youngest child. And you know how they play that movie at Christmastime and the live production in the theater - the family gets nothing from that. The father sold the rights to the story back in the 1950s for $9,000, so that means the kids are burdened with the Von Trapp legacy as being singing cherubs in short pants and skirts made from tacky curtains. And they get jack squat. I am so glad my name is not Von Trapp. I so love the movie and cannot imagine a big meanie Maria, but the past employees of her inn, not to mention her own family, have painted her in a different light. It kind of ranks up there with finding out that Mrs. Brady had a thing going with her TV son Greg - just plain sick and wrong.

Comfort Food

I am completely over Christmas now.  Moved on, made my peace, hallelujah and amen.

One thing I can truly enjoy is the food.  I have missed some things, some gastronomic encounters, so here is my top five:

5.  Earl's Rib Palace.  A real crowd pleaser for all the Franks' clan.

4.  Ted's Cafe Escondito - nothing compares to those tortillas, the salsa, the queso, the you-name-it.

3.  Hideaway Pizza - I am not a New York style pizza fan, which is all there is in Atlanta.  I can't imagine why people don't prefer Hideaway in Georgia, because they are really missing something.

2.  Mom's Snacketizers - a Christmas tradition.  We have many meals focused on our all-time faves.

1.  Mom's Christmas dinner - the best, hands down.  I drove half way across America for the family, the friends, and the cornbread dressing.

Second Order of Business

We had a wonderful day with the family yesterday.  Everyone was very happy, but alas, I managed to remain a little mad.  You see, the postman delivered the missing package at about 4:00, after I had checked every tracking device, purchased duplicate items, and left to see James Bond.  So, today I get to return many duplicated items.  Back to the mall, which I have tried to avoid, yet again.  I hate the mall...must kill the mall.

But that is not the only Christmas pothole I managed to hit.  Thanks to my clueless, time-challenged daughters, they woke at 3 AM and checked out the Santa presents before anyone sane would choose to wake up.  The girls came and woke me up, having already looked through their stuff, then told me the time, I clarified the time again with them, then told them to go back to bed and leave me alone until there was a six on the clock because in my mind six is plenty early for Christmas morning.  They stayed up, opening their gifts and stockings.  Which means that for the first time there are no Christmas morning videos and pictures.

I wish I could have another Christmas do over...again.

First Order of Business

It's the day before Christmas and my good mood is gone.  The extra large package of Christmas gifts that I packed and shipped from Atlanta has not arrived.  I spent a lot of money on that box and 13 days was not enough time for the box to get to its final destination.  I am mostly aggravated and partly ticked off.  I get to spend the next few hours shopping with all the procrastinators at the mall, a place that I have completely avoided since December 4th.  

I need Hideaway pizza - probably the Sooner Schooner.  The pizza will be mine today.

After the shopping for the second time, I will be making my candy cane cookies, for the second time.  Due to an unforeseen complication of trying to appease to many people at once, I burned Santa's cookies.  My all-time favorite cookies that I get once a year.

I need a Christmas do-over.

One Nice, Cozy Family

Highlights from our day of togetherness:

1.  The girls belting out "Ring of Fire".  It would make all rednecks proud.

2.  Endless games of "Would You Rather...".  Purchase of this book was a mistake, I must admit.

3.  Not one clean bathroom.

4.  A major wardrobe issue for Scott.  So sorry, babe.  You really looked like you belonged at that truck stop.

5.  Toe Socks for the uncoordinated.  Roxy made an executive decision to wear them, but not over her toes, so they shoot out in precarious angles through her Crocs.

6.  Dang cold weather.

7.  Two smoking vehicles and one gas leaking vehicle - all in dang cold weather.  So glad our vehicle is solid, comfortable, and almost new.

We made it!

Festivus Redux

1. Our aluminum pole made a great weapon during the feats of strength. (see photo)

2. Scott has no real challenger with the wrestling portion of the evening because all the household females are extremely ticklish.

3. The added event of our evening, cookie decoration, got a little sick and wrong. (see photo)

4. The airing of grievances was too much fun for Scott. On further reflection, the females realized that Scott airs the same grievances on a regular basis. This makes Festivus a little more ordinary, a little less festive.

5. The girls had simple grievances: Roxy does not like getting yelled at, Darby has a grievance with everything that Roxy is, does, and will be, and my grievance is toothpaste left in the sink. Can't you people just rinse properly?

6. I can't wait for Festivus next year. Oh, wait...the road trip will give Scott another Festivus Redux on grievances.

Scott's Elf Nightmare

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Party @ the Church

Yes, my church had a Christmas party for all the kids. It was very fun and the girls had a great time with games, stories, Santa, and gingerbread houses. Darby made a gingerbread church with a stacked peppermint steeple and it was too cute! Roxy was so excited to get to wear pajamas to church because it was a Polar Express theme, and her little friend had the exact same pair of pajamas, the Target ones with puppies all over them. Those girls are on the same wavelength in many ways. It was so fun to be at a Christmas party with so many friends from church. I will look forward to next year's party, too.

Saturnalia for Everyone

Here are the outtakes of the Christmas card photos. We chose the one that best represented the true personality of the girls, complete with a Charlie Brown Christmas tree. I wish I could send out the perfect family portrait where everyone is photogenic, but that would not be "us". "Us" is slightly off, but real.

While watching a sitcom the other night, I learned that the Christmas tree is a byproduct of a pagan holiday called Saturnalia, which was celebrated on December 17th. The appropriate spelling of this holiday is varied, as is the link of the tree to the holiday, but thanks to the internet I have deemed it true. And, when I worked as an accountant in the '90s, I knew a guy who told me that the tree was a pagan symbol and he provided me with the same info I heard on The Big Bang Theory, so there.

In the true spirit of acceptance and tolerance and equal opportunity for all holidays, I say Happy Saturnalia to all of you. Without out it, there would be no Christmas trees. Without Martin Luther, there would be no lights on the trees. Without the Wise Men, there would be no tradition of gift giving. And without my mother, there would be no yummy food on Christmas Eve. I love each and every one of these things, plus Jesus, so thank you Jesus and pagan tree cutters and Martin Luther and Wise Men and Mom.

A Great Tradition

I have a giant book of Christmas music and I will play songs for the girls and they sing along. Some of them sound bueno, some of them are mucho dolor. I wish I was a better example for my daughters, practicing every day and learning new pieces of music, but alas, I have fallen off the piano wagon. The girls just love it when I get going on the songs, though. Roxy dances all around on Jingle Bell Rock. Winter Wonderland is probably my best piece, and Darby happens to love that one. I have no clue what Good King Wincheslas is even about - the words sound like the Kinks' inspiration for Father Christmas, which is a particularly odd, punk-ish song.

I have taught my daughters to sing Hark the Herald Angels Sing, but like the Peanuts gang does it, with wide open mouths and noses pointed in the air. When the song leader lead that song at church on Sunday, that is exactly what Darby did. Darby should be a part of the Peanuts gang. She could be Frida, who is always concerned about her naturally curly hair. Like naturally curly hair is something to brag about! Roxy would probably be Snoopy. She would especially like having a little bird follow her around...

What I Like About Dar

Darby is so uniquely Darby. She is impossible to sum up in 6 words and trying to describe her would required hours of observation. I had a few 'only with Darby' moments this weekend. When going to a store, restaurant, or public place, be prepared to have to guide her through the establishment because she will get distracted by words. Not spoken words, but written words. I have taken her to restaurants, like City Bites or some place where they post reading material in the bathroom stalls, and have known that I would have to pry her out with a crow-bar because of the literature posted on the walls. She HAS to read it, in its entirety. When we take her to Dagwood's, a sandwich shop based on the comic strip, she sits mesmerized by the flat screen TV that projects a continuous loop of comic strips. And when you go to museum, be prepared for information overload. She is completely addicted to the written word.

She also loves to hear stories. Not exactly soap operas, but the kind you hear on the Delilah syndicated radio show. Last night, as I was putting away the remain of Mount Laundry, I found Darby drawing in her room, listening to a Stevie Wonder Christmas song. We don't own that one in particular, so I asked where she got it. It turns out that Darby has discovered Delilah and was tuning in to her broadcast. Delilah listens to those people from all over the United States that call in to dedicate songs by Rod Stewart and Celine Dion to long lost loves, old high school friends, and people that want Delilah to listen to their hardships. I NEVER listen to Delilah, mostly because Scott would make fun of me, but Darby absolutely loves it. She even memorizes all the stories. And she tells them to me - all of them.

I am convinced that one day Darby's love of words and passion for dramatic stories will manifest itself in a great novel or a magazine article. Or maybe she will start her own blog, specifically for Delilah fans...

Angel Food

We worked at our Angel Food ministry this morning. For $30 you can buy a significant amount of food that would cost twice that much at the grocery store. For a family of four, all of the portions are ideal and I have been pleased with the quality of the products. It is basically the same things you could buy at Wal-Mart. There are additional options where you can buy a 5 pounds of chicken breasts, boxes of reduced portions for seniors or those living single, and all sorts of others choices. The good thing is that in these economically scary times, the food you buy for your family seems more expensive, but not Angel Food. We have been able to reach out to those families experiencing job losses or just hard times, and the food is a needed blessing. My girls really enjoyed helping out with food sorting this morning and we will definitely do it again, as well as order food again.

What I Like About Rox

My husband and I had lunch together, ran errands, and discussed Roxy. She was in the foulest of moods this morning: school is boring, getting ready for school is boring, I don't like my pants, you are making tangles in my hair, etc. The list was long, and I was speculating out loud to Scott that she would come home in a beautiful mood and the whole morning would be forgotten.

Sure enough, it was. Roxy had earned many behavior bucks at school and had chosen little prizes to give to every person in our family. She has been promoted to a higher reading group and was very proud. And after she gave me my present - a little packet of peanut butter M&Ms, I immediately forgave the foul temper tantrums from the morning. Thank you for the prizes, Rox. You know the true meaning of giving.

The Ghost of Christmas (Card) Past

I found this relic in the basement and have been reflecting on the last six years. So much has changed since my babies were 8 months and 4 years old.

1. We have moved three times since this picture was taken.

2. Roxy's eyes have turned hazel, like mine. Darby has kept her daddy's baby blues, though.

3. I sleep through the night on a regular basis. Woo-hoo!

4. I no longer have a little baby to cuddle. This picture makes me want to go back to the moments of naps, preschool, sippy cups and car seats.

5. Darby no longer loves High 5 and Veggie Tales.

6. Darby and Roxy are very good companions now. They do so many things together. Roxy is learning Darby's vocabulary and Darby is picking up on Roxy's sense of fun and action.

7. The hair: as Led Zepplin put it, the song remains the same. If only the hair could change...

A Tasty Thought

Last night, out of nowhere (which is usually where Darby's thoughts originate), Darby asked Scott about egg nog, because she has never had it before. She will probably never try it now because Scott told her it was really like Christmas Phlegm. I immediately remembered playing charades with my cousins and watching one of them act of "The Flim Flam Man" by blowing his nose into his hand. Of course, my cousins immediately got the answer and I never have been able to extract the thought of phlegm from my brain.

Scott is looking forward to Festivus this year, if you can't already tell. I anticipate that the Airing of Grievances will be enlightening. We plan to watch the Seinfeld episode about Festivus when we celebrate with Scott in a couple of weeks. It should be a Festivus miracle...

Silent Night at the Mall

The girls had the opportunity to play Christmas carols at the mall. This was Roxy's first time to play a grand piano. She looked so small and so young sliding on to the piano bench. Roxy played Jingle Bells and We Three Kings. Darby has played in front of audiences before, so this was just another day at the mall for her. Darby played Silent Night and Angels We Have Heard On High.

The most amazing part of the whole event, other than the girls being completely lovely, was that Scott went to a mall, at Christmastime, and he did not get a rash and he did not bleed from his eye sockets and his throat did not swell shut. He really is NOT allergic to the mall!

Having a Monday Moment

Of all my responsibilities, momming was the toughest this morning. I went off on one of my kids this morning (trust me, she deserved it) and the "going off" drove my other kid to tears because she does not like it when anyone gets in trouble. I'm looking for a Monday Morning happy pill. I am also hoping that both of my kids are over my early Monday Moment. Note to daughters: do the right thing, turn in your work on time, and don't mess with momma. I have weak moments, too.

Scott's Bah Humbug Parade

I don't know what it is, but I love parades. We attended a huge Christmas parade this morning in downtown Atlanta, just a few blocks from the Georgia Dome. We are not familiar with this part of town. But as you might expect, we drove straight to the crack houses. That parade started at 9:30 and we did not get out and wave to anyone. When in these unfortunate circumstances, I follow my mother's advice: just don't look at anyone so you don't see anything and they don't see you. Mom's advice always works for me.

We finally found our parade, along with a couple hundred thousand other people. It was on Peachtree street, and there are only about 100 Peachtree streets in downtown, so yea for us that we found it. It was a fun parade and it was cold and wintry and we had a lot of laughs. I say we, meaning the three females of the Fantastic Franks' fam. One of us, with that different chromosome, does not like driving, parking, sitting/standing, looking at weirdo people, waving to bands and dogs dressed like elves, soaking up the bizarre culture that is downtown Atlanta. Christmas? Bah humbug. Give that boy some coal.

We finished up our excursion with a tour of more abandoned buildings and slave traficking sites and then we made it to the Dwarf House. The Dwarf House is the original Chic-Fil-A, established in 1946. Pretty good eats in there. The girls hung out and ate at the soda counter while the adults enjoyed the sweetest tea in the South.

We thought about crashing the SEC championship game when we heard there were 500 trailers camped out a couple of blocks away. There should be some good tailgatin' goin' on down there, but I don't think Scott could take any more festive fun. Scott can just relive the whole experience by viewing the 108 pictures taken by Darby.

A Brilliant Idea!

Darby thinks that I should post Roxy's and her Christmas list on my blog, so everyone will know what they want for Christmas. The list grows by the minute because we receive 5 catalogs a day. While the actual list is infinite, I will summarize each list for you:

Roxy - everything from the American Girl catalog
- everything from Constructive Playthings
- everything from Mindware
- every Little Pet Shop ever
- every Build a Bear accessory ever
- everything at Limited Too

Darby - everything from the Museum Store catalog
- everything from Mindware
- Nintendo DS Lite with every game, including the recipe program
- about 1,000 books that look interesting
- about a dozen new Wii games
- a guitar

I'm so glad that my daughters appreciate the simple things in life...

Sheree's Dishwashing Music

I listen to music as often as possible. Right now I have a new playlist, Christmas themed, of course.

Andrews Sisters - Santa Claus is Coming to Town
Kay Starr - The Man With the Bag
Zee Avi - No Christmas for Me
The Weepies - All That I Want
Smashing Pumpkins - Christmastime
Brandi Carlile - The Heartache Can Wait
Bruce - Santa Claus is Coming to Town
The Kinks - Father Christmas
The Eagles - Please Come Home for Christmas
Eartha Kitt - Santa Baby
Judy Garland - Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

Rapping Roxy

The first grade has their music program tonight. This should be memorable...Santa is "the man"...Roxy practicing her home girl slouch...

Attention: The Lawn Ornaments Are Gone!

I had made a prediction that my neighbors would leave their Halloween lawn ornamentation out through December. I have been glancing at witches, six scarecrows, pumpkins, and glow-in-the-dark bones since September. I even told Scott that if they went away for Thanksgiving, I would pick them all up and stack them by their house for them. But low and behold, they picked them all up yesterday. No more bones, no more flying witches in the trees, nada.

This could only mean one thing - they have Christmas lawn ornaments to put out soon. Another prediction - let's see if I'm right. I polled the families in my small group last night about whether any of them go all out on the outdoor Christmas decor. That is something that is so big out here in Georgia. You feel somewhat inadequate if you don't have some giant inflatable snowglobe on the lawn. From my small group, we had only one giant snowglobe family, but we did have one family that puts out a giant inflatable Home Depot truck, decorated for Christmas. I haven't seen anything like that yet, so they might be in for a driveby.

This year the Franks' house will just say no to the giant snowglobe and Home Depot truck - I'm sure I will get to enjoy my neighbors' decor for a while...

The Pit of Despair...

I spent a busy day in my own pit of despair - my basement. Our basement is filled with too much stuff collecting too many memories from too many moves. The basement is really blank, completely unfinished, and I have been unmotivated to do much with it - until today. Scott installed some shelves for me and I set about making something out of the foolishness. It is no longer a hot mess. My basement now resembles a Tuesday Morning, without the expensive crystal teetering on the top shelf.

My girls love looking through all the stuff, and these items were discovered as I was organizing Mount Scrapbook Material. I cannot explain all of these pictures. My girls were especially horrifed by these and asked many questions: What is Daddy doing to that deer? Who is Slash? Why is Bill Clinton topless? I cannot explain, but I wanted to horrify my brother with the Clinton pic.

Turducken Redux

So the turducken turned out to be pretty good. It is basically a cajun entree where a turkey breast is rolled flat, a chicken and duck and pork sausage is laid on top of it, then the turkey breast is rolled around the sausage into a large roast. I managed to overcook mine (a rookie mistake) but you cover it in gravy and the sin is forgiven! Everyone ate it (twice on Thursday) and Scott even has some more this evening. All is good.

I must comment on the extraordinary amount of work that goes in to making Thanksgiving for four: everyone has a favorite dish that has to make it to the table, so little ol' me makes seven dishes, plus rolls and a dessert. Guess how long it takes four people to clean the plate? Twelve minutes. Whoop-de-do, they are outta here. It takes 5 times that to do the dishes, which I did later because I was so depressed about the 2+ hours I spent cooking the 12 minute meal. I love the food though - it makes me feel like I have accomplished something important. But next year, I'm thinking Arby's...

To Boldly Go Where No Franks Has Gone Before

Thanksgiving is here and the Franks' Fantastic Four are getting hungry. To feed us all, I decided to make one of my husband's dreams come true. I am making Turducken.

Turwhaten? Yes, it's a turducken. Comments from the peanut gallery will be posted apres diner.

Stephen King's Bible Camp

On our jaunt to North Carolina, we took advantage of a free night stay at a camp in a tiny historic community called Flat Rock. But things take a strange turn - strange in that we can't quite figure out where we are, where the others are, what we should do, where we should go. On paper the place seems great - named after a phrase from Milton's Paradise Lost, ideal serene setting, brand new lodge. Do we stay in the new lodge we came to tour? No. Do we end up occupying a giant, dated lodge where we are the only ones there? Yes. No noise, no people, no heat (momentarily), but we stay anyway. Free breakfast is somewhere - it's at the creepy inn that looks like it inspired The Shining. At the inn, all the doors are locked. Does anyone work here? Wandering, wandering, then suddenly there are 200 people in a large cafeteria, but we are still locked out. No vehicles for this many people anywhere around. And these people, mostly college students, are all well behaved and dressed like Abercrombie models with their fashionable layers and woolly knit hats and heavy boots. Still, no one is working at the cafeteria, so where the food comes from is an enigma. Finally we get in, find someone that works at the caf, have breakfast, meet the President of the Camp, who looks just like Kent Allen and talks just like Cameron John. Can't stop thinking about the Kent/Cameron blend, but the tour goes well.

Moral of the story: When taking a free night stay at an unknown camp, do not be surprised when Stephen King pops into your head. Or Kent Allen and Cameron John.

...And Now A Word From Our Daughter...

She always surprises me with secret pictures, movies, etc. Very sly, Dar. Here you go...

Let's Pose With Statuary!

My fixation with statues continues - Roxy gets into it, Darby endures it, and Scott is nowhere in the picture. Figures.

We had a good time in North Carolina - new places to see, good fun with the fam. The Biltmore is so incredible, especially seeing it all decorated and lit up with candles. I am so glad we went to the estate, because it was way cool and I don't think our kids even noticed the winery that we toured. Wine tasting - we better pass. My husband is a preacher now, you know.

Franks' Carolina Getaway

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Psychosis

The Christmas frenzy has arrived at the Franks' house - I have changed my address but Christmas found us anyway. The copious stack of catalogs have clued in my children and they are now plugging every item they see as a potential present for them. I get baby catalogs, but I have no babies, I get preschool catalogs but I have no small children. I get sports memorabilia catalogs yet I attend no games nor did I graduate from a major sports-oriented institution. Oh, the insanity. I happen to love magazines and catalogs, but for the first time I feel like going a little crazy with too much mail and too little inspiration to spend money.

Roxy and Darby have to look through everything, even the fruit and popcorn catalogs. Roxy grabs a highlighter and highlights everything she would like. Including things that are currently boxed up in the basement. Darby's list is pared down this year (thank you, thank you) but her most-desired items are as expensive as a government bailout.

I haven't bought one single thing for Christmas (yet). I ventured out to Macy's for the big one-day sale and purchased a $6.99 roasting pan for out Thanksgiving turkey. The people there were tense, bitter, and somewhat off their rocker. A women standing in the middle of an aisle got upset at an old man pushing a wheelchair that carried an invalid with multiple brain issues. The women, who I don't know, told the old man that he better not touch her because she was shopping and he could just wait on her to pass by. The old man yelled at her to get out of the way, in a very abrupt manner, and everyone within 12 feet took off, including me. As an observer I thought the poor soul in the wheelchair should take precedent over the casual shopper, but I don't want to have anything to do with either group that acts so rude in public.

I think I'll stick to the Amazon plan - if they ship it, I will buy.

Loved To Death

Meet Jasmine, the one-time love of Roxy's life. Roxy carried this thing anywhere and everywhere - sneaking it in to family pictures, buckling it into the back seat of the car, feeding it with toy baby bottles. She looks better on film than she does in real life, amazingly enough. Roxy has no limits to her love - she loved Jasmine well past her shelf life, and no amount of Dryell cleaning bags can change that. Fortunately for me, I managed to get Jasmine off the A-List, and Asia the Panda moved up. I know I have posted pictures of Roxy with Asia on my blog because she is the fifth member of our family. Until now...

I predict that the stuffed owl, whose name is now Brown Sugar, is moving ahead to first place. Asia sits on the shelf right now and the owl is the main object of affection. Roxy introduced various people from church to her owl last night - I am not exaggerating. The owl is the star of many stories now, burrowing nests into the ground, hunting for the mice that live in our woods, snuggling up in baby blankets. Roxy has started wearing a single glove, just like a falconry expert, so that Brown Sugar's claws will not hurt her arm. Say good-bye to Jasmine, because she has hit the D-List and won't be making a comeback.

How To Instill Fear In Your Husband

The way I put fear into my husband is simply by having my book club sisters over to the house for dinner and discussion. Scott would never acknowledge the feeling of fear, but it really throws him off his course, makes him run away and hide, and he then makes poor decisions - all of this is a manifestation of fear. Scott was desperate to escape the y chromosomes that took up temporary residence in our dining room, and the youngest member of our family smelled weakness and sensed Daddy's inability to focus and make sound decisions. Roxy came home with a new little loved one, Hootie the owl. Darby was able to feed her own addiction with her enabling father - she brought home a book. Scott, I love you and cherish you, but the girls (especially Roxy) know how to turn the screws to their advantage and get more of what they love. I'm not sure Daddy even knows he bought them presents - it's all a blur for him.

In the Beginning...

... God created this striking couple. I have this wedding photo out as my reminder as I read The Power of a Praying Wife. I co-lead a women's study group and we are reading Stormie O'Martian's book. I first read this book ten years ago, when I was relatively new to the wife club, and now when I look back I realize that I still had my training wheels on. But now, reading this book has revealed more important memories and life lessons that have accrued over the last 10 years. The women I meet with have been so fun to get to know - so encouraging, so relaxed and transparent, I am always enlightened after we meet.

I am so happy to revisit this book after 10 years. I sure ain't the sweet young thing I used to be, but the 12 years of marriage under my belt have made me a better person and a more loving wife.

Scott Takes a Hike

My husband likes to walk. For five years, he walked to work and people thought we were poor and could not afford a car or car repairs. On the contrary, Scott chose to walk to work. He was "green" before it was fashionable. Here are some photos of Scott's walk - up a mountain. Lost Mountain is down the street from where we live and it has been the most beautiful fall, the most unexpected surprise from this move to Georgia. Fall is waning now, but I will have these pictures as memories...

Sometimes I Just Shake My Head

There are four people in this family with some similarities (Scott=Darby) and many differences (Roxy + Darby = small explosions). As we were playing cards last night, I made many mental notes:

Darby does not like to lose to Roxy, Scott does not like to lose to anybody, and I will gladly lose if it means someone will not get upset. Roxy just naturally wins. Reminds me of playing Yahtzee or Rummy with my brother when I was a child. The girl can't help it - Roxy has a way of making things work her way.

Roxy has to interject so many strange events into a game of cards, it gets very bizarre. First of all, she deals cards just like Joanie from Happy Days. It was painful, waiting for her to get the cards passed out. But that's not the worst part. Have you ever played a game with a person that has to constantly move, use her body to talk, run around the table, make every discard with an insult against the card she pitches out, and create new vocabulary at an amazing pace? Does it sound slightly annoying? And when you finally calm her down, she starts talking about the pandas at the zoo that scratch their bottoms and then she hops up to show us how they did it, and then it all starts all over again.

And when Darby tries to shuffle, every card ends up in every direction because logic escapes her. At the age of 10, Darby will sit and play games, but the mind starts to wander to SpongeBob Squarepants. I admit to being a fan of SpongeBob. We quote that show more than anything else. Only Darby is a Rolodex of every Bikini Bottom moment. Picture Darby rolling the dice, chanting "Escalators! Escalators! Escalators!" The comments from her can be extremely random, but then on further review they become less random and more in line with what's happening - in SpongeBob's world.

Scott does not like to gamble anything. When he finds himself in a position where he has to take a chance, he literally fidgets. This guy cannot bluff, lie, or go to Vegas. Maybe that is why he is so guarded most of the time. He manages to win at a dice game by simply plugging away with teeny tiny gains, never trying to turn the big amounts his way.

I succeeded in getting the family to come together for an hour of surreal game playing. Would anyone like to join us?

Today's Highlights

1. People on the tiny plane were odd. In front of me was a lady, very altered, that smelled like alcohol and it was 10:00 in the morning. The lady beside me might have been an elf. She was wearing a velour hoodie and yoga pant outfit in a very bright Christmas green. I predict she will regret that outfit...

2. People on the big plane were cranky and drinking much liquor. Did you know it costs $7 for a can of beer. The people around me know it and pay for it anyway.

3. My girls are beautiful. They made me feel so good to be home. Roxy was missing me so much she saved 6 Reese's Pieces for me - and she saved them for four days, waiting for me to share her treat with her. Darby keeps giving me hugs. I'm so happy to see them.

4. My hubbie is tired. He has a tendency to forget things, so this week will be a dim memory in about two days. So good to see him, too.

5. I don't know what to do with myself when I have no house to maintain, no meals to prepare, no Bible class to teach, no book club to lead, no hair to comb, no husband to support. Who knew that travelling could be so liberating?

I Can Only Imagine...

Scott and the girls are doing fine.  I have many questions for them:  did the get to school on time?  Did daddy pack the lunches?  Did they turn in the homework?  I am afraid to ask about the hair.  There are so many ways that Darby and Roxy hair can be all kinds of wrong.  Scott volunteered a small tidbit today:

Sheree:  So, how's it going with the hair?

Scott:  Well, I tried.

Sheree:  What do you mean?

Scott:  There was only a little bit of screaming.

Sheree:  There's a lot a screaming when I fix it.  You must have stopped too early.

Scott:  They just need more hats.

Sheree:  Hats are not the solution, Scott.

Scott:  OK, then, they need more helmets...

I am very worried now.  They probably look like Andre 3000 from OutKast by now...

What To Do on a Wednesday?

I can't escape to an undisclosed location.  I have too much guilt for that.  So I had lunch with my brother, I have a haircut next, and I will cook dinner for the family tonight.  Tomorrow I'm back to Georgia and this little escape will be over.  My daughters and my husband need me.  The hair of Darby and Roxy cannot be left to Scott's devices for too long.

The Oklahoma Hills Where I Was Born

Here I am in Oklahoma now.  I drove back with my parents and arrived today.  We had a good trip and my momma is faring well - still in pain, still a little loopy, but not falling down and as out of it as she was Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.  We have her all lined up to see the surgeon and she should be OK.  I get to spend a couple of days here with my folks - childless and husbandless for the first time ever.  Scott has to fend for himself plus Darby and Roxy for four days.  This should be interesting...

Does this count as an actual vacation for me?  I don't know, but I'm thinking about getting a hair cut, a manicure, a spa treatment, and a flight to an undisclosed location where I can relax.

Guess Who's Coming to the Hospital?

That would be us. My parents made it in to Georgia last night, but Mom was ill. Things are not cooperating inside my mom right now. So we take her to a walk-in medical care place that takes Medicare, so there is no out-of network issue to deal with, but she is still hurting. Today we hit the hospital, have a stack of prescriptions for her, and we are just shaking our head at how all of this has come on her in the strangest way. Mom needs her doctors in OK but just made it to GA and wants to see her granddaughters. We are hoping that medicine will keep her going for one day, two days, I don't know how many days. I hate to see her miserable. Pray for some relief for The Mom, because without it she will leave ASAP.

Guess Who's Coming for Dinner?

Roxy was a very excited girl from the moment she woke up today. She had a list of five reasons why Friday was great:

1. It was Friday, the last day of school.
2. She gets to go to the B Bucks store today at school to cash in her good behavior bucks.
3. She gets twice as many B Bucks because her teacher was gone last week on Friday and she has double to spend.
4. Granny and Pa Pa are coming today.
5. She can buy presents for Granny and Pa Pa at the B Bucks store.

Roxy will be home from school in about 30 minutes. I promised her that as soon as she gets home, we will finish sweeping the driveway so that when Granny and Pa Pa get here, they will see all her fine work. She wants to show off her broom skills. That makes me feel excited, too!

Bad Karma for Roxy's Chameleon

Finally! I caught the gecko! This stupid lizard has been lounging around my house since Sunday. Everytime I almost catch it, it runs into a closet and goes missing again. Roxy has been concerned about the gecko crawling on her while she sleeps (that makes my skin crawl just typing about it), so I told her that geckos are like moths and they die after a day. Momma told a fib...

Roxy found it out and about again in my bedroom and has dedicated herself to catching it. She even went and got the equipment she wanted to trap him. Roxy gave us very specific instructions about how to get him, like how you shouldn't grab him by his tail because you'd just pull it off and that was yucky.

These pictures are for my dear Roxy, Chameleon Hunter. I got him - just like she told us to.

This Is the Way We Go To Church

I was awestruck today by the beauty of Georgia. I laughed out loud when I was driving my car because everything I saw was beautiful. These shots were taken with my camera balanced on my steering wheel as I drove to church. I was taking my hunk of a husband to lunch and the four mile drive filled me with joy that I was living in and around full-blown fall splendor. My pictures don't even capture it the way it really is down here - laugh out loud beautiful. This ain't Oklahoma...