How to Be an Eskimo Pirate - The 70s Era

Atlanta is flooded, school is cancelled, and I am looking at old photos.  My daughters find it very odd to imagine their parents as children, let alone seeing them in old pictures.  Roxy is still not quite sure what to think about this one.

I am including it as a glimpse of what has changed in the world.  Daily I get an email from Halloween Express, wanting me to purchase a mass-produced, slave labor crafted costume that will disintegrate within 12 hours after being worn.  To date, my daughters have always worn costumes that were pretty elaborate, although last year's owl costume was more creative with the makeup that the actual costume.  But in the old days, you purchased nothing for Halloween, except for maybe a mask at TG&Y.  Your costume makeup came from your mom's lipstick collection.  And, nothing matched.  At all.

Scott's creation, shown in this picture, appears to be that of an Eskimo Pirate.  Poor Montana kids - bundled up so they don't get hyphthermia.  Scott's brother is even more creative - he wanted to be a mean pig.  Now who wouldn't want to give these boys candy?

Scott Vs. Squirrels

It's time to tell a story on Scott, because I have been enjoying this unfolding drama this week from my front row seat in our piano room.

My husband is a dedicated bird feeder. He has always found ways to welcome birds to our yard, no matter where we live. Bird houses, bird feeders, etc. He loves to fill his bird feeders and he will check on them every day. We have tons of birds in our backyard and we love watching them.

But squirrels are another issue. Our squirrels are quite crafty and kind of crazy. I think they are like the ones on the car insurance commercials that try to get humans to harm themselves - they are trying to outsmart Scott. They defy death daily by scaling the house and flinging themselves onto Scott's bird feeders that Scott has tried to squirrel-proof. And the squirrels continue to find ways to beat Scott, outsmarting all of Scott's devices and guards that should prevent the squirrels from eating the birdseed.

We hit a new low earlier this week when the squirrels outwitted Scott's bird feeding device (again) and Scott ran out the back door, hurling Darby's tennis shoes at the squirrels as they scampered up the pine trees in the back yard. I think it's time to buy Scott a BB gun so he can just relax, take aim, and fire.

Scott found some humor in this whole scenario last night when we took the girls to see "Up." The movie includes a pack of trained dogs that are constantly driven crazy by squirrels. One adorable dog is telling a joke he know about a squirrel that does not gather acorns for winter, and then dies. The joke, completely not funny, is ended with a comment by the dog saying that, "This joke is funny because the squirrel is dead!" Scott laughs, not an out-loud laugh but a private, more evil laugh. Yes, I do believe it is time for Scott to get even with the squirrels...

Let's Call It Even

I am back to the real Franks world now. No more leisurely visits, no more birthday celebrations for Roxy, no more 850 mile drives in pounding wind. We had a wonderful Easter Sunday together, a great church service, and life is back to normal: homework, Mount Laundry, and getting even.

I managed to wreck my husband's NCAA championship game night without even knowing it. While I was in Oklahoma, my husband was pacing the house, twiddling his thumbs, and feeling so confused about what to do with his life. He actually decided to watch a ball game on TV - for the first time in years, I think. And wouldn't you know, but I had two movies recording at the same time - one on Lifetime and one on the Hallmark channel. It is a man's worst nightmare. Fortunately for me, Scott barely knows how to operate the TV remote, and he certainly does not know how to operate the DVR, so he could not override my recordings. Scott just gave up and went to bed instead of watching a sappy Nora Roberts movie. Poor guy.

So now that I am home, not everything is back to normal. For some unknown reason, Scott decided to tweak the settings on our computer to soup up the parental control features. It turns out that I can now check email, post to my blog, and that's about it. No Facebook, no game sites, no pleasant internet diversions. Scott also put my cell phone charger in an unknown location, so no cell phone service for me.

I think he got even.

Appreciate the Pater Familias

I have had a busy week and felt the need for a blog vacation. I am recharged now, except for a dreadful sore throat which can only mean that it is time for the pollination to begin. I will eventually post my busy week pics, but I need more space on the PC, so for now...

I must praise the Pater Familias for a moment. My man finally took his scheduled days off (except for a three hour stint at church distributing Angel Food this morn) and he did something that truly makes a girl's heart go pitter pat - he painted our sun room. I worked on it with him, but my man put most of the burden on his broad shoulders and took care of business. He even painted all the windows, including the inside trim. Fifteen panes of glass, five windows - that is a lot of cutting in. I was so happy I gave him the last of the banana pudding. Love to you babe - the room looks much better without random crayon marks accumulated since 1994.

Lucky #13

Scott and I are completing 13 years of marriage on Tuesday, January 13th. Wow. I never thought about what 13 years of marriage would look like when I was a single gal with brand new bling on my finger, but it is good to know that the decisions I made in 1996 were good ones, the love has lasted and evolved, and we are extremely committed to each other, our family, and our Lord.

We have a couple of issues, one of them being poor planning. If I had known that getting married in January would mean we were always tapped out financially, I probably would not have scheduled it for the 13th. Christmas has come and gone, the money has come and gone, and we have little dinero for celebrating, yet again. So, Scott decided to treat me to a couple of pleasures that cost little but appeal to me greatly: burgers and Top Chef.

I happen to love TV, and I love Top Chef. One of last year's contestants is from Atlanta and he always does interesting things with food, he is a good blogger, and he was the only decent guy on that show, so he was a favorite of mine. I knew that he opened a burger joint here in Atlanta called Flip, so Scott took me there for lunch. Richard was not there for the lunch crowd, but I got over it. I had the Butcher's Cut, which is a burger with blue cheese crumbles, red wine jam, and a side spread that I have no idea what it was, plus sweet potato tots. So tasty, so pretty, so good. Scott had a corned beef burger, dressed with a pickled cabbage slaw and topped with a fried egg. Scott loved it more with each bite. And to get food served to you like art - just like Padma gets on Top Chef - was a treat for me.

Our little lunch date was topped off with driving around the cool, historic neighborhoods around Buckhead, enjoying perfect weather and sunshine and listening to a good radio station (I heard a favorite song by Cowboy Mouth that I have always loved). And Scott did not get freaked out about traffic once - that was his real present to me this year. Thanks babe.

Throw Momma from the Computer

I am sitting down at the computer for the first time in what seems like a week. My family has a computer game addiction, thanks to the Davis' grandparents, and it is Zoo Tycoon. Who knew that this game would be such a hit? Darby loves it, to the point of needing an intervention. Even Scott loves it, pondering the best resolution for his burgeoning moose population and the health and well being of his ibex family. This game should have come with a warning label for OCD types, because King OCD and his progeny are fixated.

Darby has reverted to some interesting problem solving tactics. When you build your zoo, install refreshment stands and umbrella tables everywhere, and then when your customers complain about being thirsty, do not install water fountains - just sell off the whole thing, pack up and move to Florida. I think a psychologist could draw a link between the number of moves Darby has made, plus the way she solves problems. Hmmm......

A Tasty Thought

Last night, out of nowhere (which is usually where Darby's thoughts originate), Darby asked Scott about egg nog, because she has never had it before. She will probably never try it now because Scott told her it was really like Christmas Phlegm. I immediately remembered playing charades with my cousins and watching one of them act of "The Flim Flam Man" by blowing his nose into his hand. Of course, my cousins immediately got the answer and I never have been able to extract the thought of phlegm from my brain.

Scott is looking forward to Festivus this year, if you can't already tell. I anticipate that the Airing of Grievances will be enlightening. We plan to watch the Seinfeld episode about Festivus when we celebrate with Scott in a couple of weeks. It should be a Festivus miracle...

How To Instill Fear In Your Husband

The way I put fear into my husband is simply by having my book club sisters over to the house for dinner and discussion. Scott would never acknowledge the feeling of fear, but it really throws him off his course, makes him run away and hide, and he then makes poor decisions - all of this is a manifestation of fear. Scott was desperate to escape the y chromosomes that took up temporary residence in our dining room, and the youngest member of our family smelled weakness and sensed Daddy's inability to focus and make sound decisions. Roxy came home with a new little loved one, Hootie the owl. Darby was able to feed her own addiction with her enabling father - she brought home a book. Scott, I love you and cherish you, but the girls (especially Roxy) know how to turn the screws to their advantage and get more of what they love. I'm not sure Daddy even knows he bought them presents - it's all a blur for him.

Scott Takes a Hike

My husband likes to walk. For five years, he walked to work and people thought we were poor and could not afford a car or car repairs. On the contrary, Scott chose to walk to work. He was "green" before it was fashionable. Here are some photos of Scott's walk - up a mountain. Lost Mountain is down the street from where we live and it has been the most beautiful fall, the most unexpected surprise from this move to Georgia. Fall is waning now, but I will have these pictures as memories...

Scottie's Rock Concert

My husband is not exactly a music guy. His radio station is tuned to NPR, mine is tuned to rock n roll. Because of this, plus the fact that for the last few years I have been momming it 24/7, I have attended very few concerts. But Friday, finally, I went to one that I have waited for almost 10 years - Ryan Adams. (Not to be confused with Bryan Adams, someone I would never spend a dime on.) And I took my clueless husband with me.

Scott, the poor soul, has experienced very little live music. He did not recognize the speakers at the amphitheater. He regretted not bringing earplugs. He focused on all the people there - are they real? What do they do in their real lives? Do they all go around wearing torn jeans? How come old people are here? How can you understand anything he is saying? Why do you want me to take a picture? His issues went on and on in a very Seinfeld kind of way. But I got to feel young again, watching an all-time favorite for my first time. I had a babysitter for the kids (first one in five months), I had dinner at La Madeleine and Starbucks after the concert, and Ryan played Shakedown on 9th avenue, which I have always liked. Plus a few other favorites I enjoyed and sang along with.

I am keeping a list of the concerts I would like to see. I would go back to Ryan, and I might even take Scott again. Hopefully he will remember his earplugs next time...