Thursday, March 10, 2011

The Walking Dead

The Franks' household is turning into the walking dead.  Something unexplained and evil is gripping us during our sleeping hours.  And I don't like it.  Not one little bit.

I can't even begin to explain Darby's strange dreams this week.  The poor girl is in middle school and gets enough daily drama without having to deal with her nightly dramas in her dreams.

My dreams have been real winners, too.  Nightmares and/or bizarre dreams have been plaguing me this week.  I go from being robbed and running for my life to having a date with Jimmy Fallon where he is everything but his usual adorable self.  And then I have the nightmare about getting those hideous toenails that are thick and yellow and performing surgery on myself, only to find that underneath it all my toenails are really dill pickles, the round kind you get at Chic-Fil-A.

Scott has not been getting any sleep, either.  This is because of the poltergeist in our home.  In the middle of the night, our lamps mysteriously turn themselves on, one at a time.  Just the bedside lamps, but still very freaky.  He turns one off, only to have the other lamp turn itself on.  He turns the second lamp off, then the first lamp turns itself on.  This has happened two nights in a row, at the same time each night.  When he finally dozes off, he dreams about being on a public transit bus, riding aimlessly around Atlanta, where some weird guy is snoring and Scott can't fall asleep. 

And now it seems some strange being has possessed the vacuum cleaner, the camera, the computer, and the refridgerator.  All of these things are on the fritz - at the same time as the lamps.  I smell a conspiracy.

Due to these strange events and our significant lack of sleep this week, I have decided that we are more than qualified for an audition with "The Walking Dead."  I love to see the Atlanta locations on that show.  And we could use a few extra bucks.  Going to the Zombie School here in town is not even necessary for us - we are already in good form, black eye circles and all.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011


Cutting costs is a way of life.  I am not as avid as "The Cheapest Family in America," but I am very attuned to every cost cutting measure I can find.

Because of this, I find myself to be perfect fodder for the marketing geniuses in this world.  "They" know me.  "They" know what I like and where I shop.  "They" find me on Facebook.  "They" send me $10 bonuses in the mail.  "They" tell me that everything in the store will be 30% off - for a 24 hour period.

"They" are very persuasive.  They know just how to get me.

I find myself considering how I can get over to Chipotle, my favorite place for cheap Mexican food, so this great coupon does not go to waste.  I find myself joyful over the fact that I got a $20 off coupon, and $10 store credit, and a double points coupon - all for DSW.  "They" know how I like to stack my coupons.  And now, I have discovered a price war going on here in Georgia over carpeting and installation.  "They" are tempting me with free installation, cheap carpet, and free take down/set up of furniture.  And my carpet is bad.  Tres, tres pas magnifique.

I do have some limits to this persuasion, though.  I am not an extreme couponer, as seen on TV.  Coupons for under 25 cents do not get clipped in this house.  Some of the ads do not tempt me at all.  And when the computer tries to tell me to listen to some of its musical selections for me, I cannot hit that dislike button fast enough when Matchbox Twenty comes on.  How does the Ryan Adams channel sync up with Matchbox Twenty anyway?  Ugh.

Do not be the least bit surprised if I drive into the blood and guts of Atlanta on Friday with my Chipotle coupon in hand, after a stop at DSW.  I just can't be persuaded to let some good deals fly away...