Looking for Material

As of late, I have been struggling with the relevancy of my blog.  My well is empty.

But, when I went to Darby's room this afternoon, looking for the sewing kit, I found this:  blog material!  This  post is dedicated to my mother, who does not know about the Twilight book/movie series.  I'm guessing that the gals in water aerobics have better ways to spend their time, but Darby and I do not :)

Thanks, Dar.  I didn't bother to ask you if I had your permission, because I pulled the mom card.

Stuck in the Middle of School

Darby's depiction of middle school

Random Acts of Photography

I finally got the camera situation under control and look at what I found...

The Sasquatch Legacy

I have a pet peeve - cheap old flip flops. I don't like looking at them, I don't like seeing the dirt-stained footprints in them, I am a flip flop snob. My girls will always get a pair of flip flops in the summer, hopefully a pair that look slightly dressier than most so that when they put them on with a skirt they won't look like rednecks.

Today I purchased Darby's first pair of size nine flip flops. I was in shock when we were trying them on because I did not know that her shoe size had shot up that quickly. But as I reflect on my past history, thinking back to 1981, I was 10 years old and I wore size 9. Sometime in the 6th grade I got my first pair of 10s - a pair of burgundy tasseled loafers that made me look very mature and preppy. I even wore them with my Izod shirt and a grosgrain ribbon belt, a look straight out of The Facts of Life.

My foot size has always been a sore spot for me. There is nothing delicate and feminine about having honkin' big feet. And now...Darby gets to be a part in this foot circle of life. Darby, if I had thought it would have been healthy and reasonable, I would have bound your feet so they wouldn't grow. But, besides being unhealthy and unreasonable, I knew my 16 month old child would never walk if your feet were restrained. So here's to the girl who did not walk until 17 months! Enjoy your glorious honkin' big ski feet! They look much cuter with red toenail polish.

One Week Down, How Many More to Go?

We completed our first week of summer vacation. No more pencils, no more books, you know the saying.

Guess which kid is already bored? I'm giving her a new agenda: whenever she is bored, she has to hand wash dishes. We did it three times one day, but she still liked it. She had to stop and tell me that as we worked together. So cute, and yet so close to madness (in my opinion!) I chose the hand-wash route because she can't put away all the dishwasher dishes yet, but this girl sure can wash and dry. She has started asking Darby is she can take on her chores. Darby has to pay her, of course, but Darby will end up with very little and Roxy will be rich. Oh goody! More trips to Target for even more little pets...

Guess which kid is back on her technological cocaine of computer games? I think this may be the week she creates her own blog, because we have to find a way to get her thinking and not just clicking. We have a friend's Guitar Hero for a while and she is mastering it rapidly. She is also reading a couple of enormous books. And the cooking - she wants to cook now, whenever I pull her off the computer. The other day, when preparing a meal of steak and potatoes, she was thinking out loud: "I wish we had a magical thawing machine." Yes, Princess, we have one and it is called a microwave. At least the cooking makes dirty dishes for the other kid to wash...

My goal is to save money, save money, and get a light tan. And not go crazy with the girls.

Darby's Special Fans

My daughter Darby became a famous television legend at her school. For a month, she reported on various health and nutrition topics. Roxy was quite popular in her first grade class because everyone in there loved her. They clapped for her for an entire month.

Another teacher of a class approached Darby's teacher and told her that Darby was their favorite student on television and they would like for her to come and read to their class. Darby was stunned and honored and today was her day for reading.

One boy, Skyler, hugged her three times and talked to her about all his personal events. The other students loved her, too, but Skyler definitely stood out as her future stalker. It just so happens that this class is a "special" class (short school bus riders as opposed to the idiots from the long school bus.) It seems that Darby has found her people...

The teacher told Darby that since she has left the broadcast, they won't even watch it anymore because she is gone. I am grateful that Darby has made Skyler's dreams come true. Isn't that special?

Frog Funerals in the Fifth Grade

Darby has notched a new achievement into her educational belt - her first animal dissection. Numerous froggies were autopsied by Darby's gifted education class. Darby was very excited and had a great time, particularly when she cut open the frog and was able to actually know what she was seeing, naming everything she found. She even found poo in the frog - there must be bonus points for that one.

I had warned her about the smell. How can you forget that stench? But she did not mind it too much. These modern kids are totally pampered - they get peppermints to suck on to counteract the stench, they get rubber gloves to wear so they don't actually touch any frog guts with their skin, they have plastic protectors covering their face so nothing squirts up into any open orifice.

And after cutting open the froggies, they get to show off their work to the entire fifth grade, so now all the other kids can be jealous. Score for Darby - she was completely fascinated and wants to cut open more things now.

Darby the Happy Camper

Darby came home from an overnight field trip with her classmates. The camping experience was a good one and she does not seem to be permanently scarred from the two hour hike, the scraped knee, and the camp food. They played games, held snakes, told scary stories in the cabin, and hiked, hiked, hiked. I wish I had pictures, because the most remarkable thing was that Darby's hair wasn't half as bad as I thought it would be.

Darby said the orienteering portion of the trip was kind of boring. The kids are in the woods, each small group is given a compass, and they have to collect pieces of quotes at each location. Being the human equivalent of an encyclopedia, Darby already knew all the quotes. Who knew that memorizing random Chinese proverbs and Native American sayings could turn out to be a bore...

She's Ready For Her Close-Up

Darby has been enjoying a new role at school as the health news reporter on the daily morning broadcast. I took this pic of the TV screen as I watched from the school entrance. All those years of reading, plus those incredible blue eyes, are on display every morning as Darby informs students about various matters of health. Did you know that putting a cold pack in your lunchbox will keep your food chilled? Did you know that vitamin C is found in orange juice? This may not be cutting edge reporting, but this girl has a gift for reading a script. Roxy is now famous in her classroom because all the first graders clap for Dar and brag on her to Roxy. Darby could not be less impressed by her first grade popularity, but she does enjoy doing the broadcast. And now that the fifth grade camera men have figured out to point the camera at the kids' faces instead of their stomachs, the broadcast runs like a finely tuned machine. Good job, Dar. You have a future in infomercials.

Self Portrait of a Tenager

I liked this one - she is starting to put her signature on things. Roxy is very jealous of Darby's perspective. Roxy has gotten to where she does not draw people much, because the hands are too hard to draw. Darby solves that problem by hiding the hands - good trick, Darby Doll.

Sugar-Coated Messages

I had to crack up at Darby last night. She decided to email a friend, but instead of writing something she chose a different approach. Do not be surprised if one day I run out of material for my blog and dig in to the conversation hearts bag o'candy...

Where Is Your Report Card?

I have been asking this question for a few weeks. The report cards never came home. I would not have been shocked to discover that Darby had misplaced hers (aka stuffed it in her black hole of a desk), but there was no way on earth that Roxy would have let it slip by. That girls is on top of things. It turns out that they spring them on you at the January conference. So, if you are disappointed by something or simply surprised, your teacher gets to read it all over your face.

I'm not such a big fan of this predatory method. What fun is it to look at your kid's report card when the kid is not there for you to praise and/or interrogate? I have the unfortunate plight of also not knowing what grades the kids will get, because Roxy only gets smilies on every single paper, and Darby gets grades but not all of them are recorded. I kind of felt ambushed at the conference, which made me feel guarded and less present than normal.

On the good side, Darby has a beautiful report card, full of lots of detail (only six letters on the entire thing, and nothing else.) And Roxy has shown herself to be quite a student who is coming into her own. She loves to please her teacher and she is learning real writing skills, something that will make her daddy burst with pride. I am so glad to have academic-type students. Go nerds!

Thinkin' 'Bout Babies

Have you noticed how people with babies have so many pictures for their blogs? It makes me miss my babies, who aged out of that period years ago. I had no blog for my babies. But let me tell you, they were really special. One of these days I will get all my videos converted so I can see the footage of babydom. But for now, here is what I treasure: Darby at 1 year.

History Lessons for Dar

I find myself telling Darby, my oldest, lots of stories about what things were like when I was young. That is such an old woman thing to do, but I can't seem to help myself, which is also just like an old woman, too. I am in awe at how the eighties are popping up everywhere, particularly clothing and shoes, music, pop culture, etc. And Darby does not even know that it is all 80s material - she thinks it is unique. The skinny jeans on boys with skinny ties, the blousy tunics with leggings, the retro tennis shoes, the music. I tried on a jacket at Macy's recently and immediately a Michael Jackson song popped in my head because of the zippers, the asymmetrical details, and the military cut.

Darby also knows nothing about the music. She has a friend that rides her bus and he entertains her with songs that she calls "these funny little parodies", but it is really songs by Weird Al Yankovic. How did I let her get to the age of 10 with no Weird Al knowledge? She knows the words to "I'm Fat", but does not know that it is a parody of Michael Jackson, whom she also does not know. I found a single Weird Al song in our music library, "Canadian Idiot," and she does not quite get that song because she has never seen Strange Brew. My clever girl has a lot to learn - and I have a lot of culture lessons to conduct...

Darby's Sadistic PE Class

Darby, my beautiful and brilliant daughter, is not so beautiful and brilliant when it comes to PE class. Team sports are challenging for her. While she knows what to do with softball and basketball, and can perform on a minimum scale, there are the sports that challenge her. Soccer is unbearable, dodge ball is pretty horrid, but now there is a new sport for her to dread - lacrosse. Imagine being in her situation, where your favorite thing in the world is reading and messing around on the computer, making crafts and learning music. Now introduce the world of lacrosse, where aggressive 10 years olds are hurling a ball with giant sticks and running around, trying to annihilate the lesser players. This sport has to be worse than dodge ball, even. I just pray that she survives this PE unit...

200 Posts of Silliness

I reached a milestone - 200 blog posts. And what better way to celebrate my blog about Franks' nothingness than with more statue pictures! I assure you that I do not have a statue guide directory where I go around looking for these things. The statues find us, and we embrace that karma.

I do think it is cute that my girls will find a brick rowboat and immediately reenact Merriweather Lewis and Sacajawea, exploring Louisiana Purchase territory for Thomas Jefferson. Scott and I must nurture history nerds - it is a family imperative!

"I Feel All Tingly & I'm Glowing"

No, I have not suffered a spinal injury and this is not my quote. This statement was made excitedly by my daughter, but can you guess which one? Darby and Roxy enjoyed their last day of the Christmas break by making beauty products with the new science experiment kit that Darby received for Christmas. The oatmeal lemon scrub is the real deal - I am experiencing it as I type. I told the girls that it was bad manners to smear baby food on your face, but they did it anyway. Somehow, they have learned to understand sarcasm - just one of the added blessings of living in the Franks' domain.

There is nothing cuter than seeing two curly heads bent together, rubbing oatmeal scrub on their perfect, flawless faces. I, on the other hand, will be going through about a gallon of the stuff tonight. My cute curly heads are finishing the homemade spa day in my bathroom, with Roxy soaking in the tub and Darby reading to her from a Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle book. A good way to end a rainy Georgia winter day...

Throw Momma from the Computer

I am sitting down at the computer for the first time in what seems like a week. My family has a computer game addiction, thanks to the Davis' grandparents, and it is Zoo Tycoon. Who knew that this game would be such a hit? Darby loves it, to the point of needing an intervention. Even Scott loves it, pondering the best resolution for his burgeoning moose population and the health and well being of his ibex family. This game should have come with a warning label for OCD types, because King OCD and his progeny are fixated.

Darby has reverted to some interesting problem solving tactics. When you build your zoo, install refreshment stands and umbrella tables everywhere, and then when your customers complain about being thirsty, do not install water fountains - just sell off the whole thing, pack up and move to Florida. I think a psychologist could draw a link between the number of moves Darby has made, plus the way she solves problems. Hmmm......

A Great Tradition

I have a giant book of Christmas music and I will play songs for the girls and they sing along. Some of them sound bueno, some of them are mucho dolor. I wish I was a better example for my daughters, practicing every day and learning new pieces of music, but alas, I have fallen off the piano wagon. The girls just love it when I get going on the songs, though. Roxy dances all around on Jingle Bell Rock. Winter Wonderland is probably my best piece, and Darby happens to love that one. I have no clue what Good King Wincheslas is even about - the words sound like the Kinks' inspiration for Father Christmas, which is a particularly odd, punk-ish song.

I have taught my daughters to sing Hark the Herald Angels Sing, but like the Peanuts gang does it, with wide open mouths and noses pointed in the air. When the song leader lead that song at church on Sunday, that is exactly what Darby did. Darby should be a part of the Peanuts gang. She could be Frida, who is always concerned about her naturally curly hair. Like naturally curly hair is something to brag about! Roxy would probably be Snoopy. She would especially like having a little bird follow her around...

What I Like About Dar

Darby is so uniquely Darby. She is impossible to sum up in 6 words and trying to describe her would required hours of observation. I had a few 'only with Darby' moments this weekend. When going to a store, restaurant, or public place, be prepared to have to guide her through the establishment because she will get distracted by words. Not spoken words, but written words. I have taken her to restaurants, like City Bites or some place where they post reading material in the bathroom stalls, and have known that I would have to pry her out with a crow-bar because of the literature posted on the walls. She HAS to read it, in its entirety. When we take her to Dagwood's, a sandwich shop based on the comic strip, she sits mesmerized by the flat screen TV that projects a continuous loop of comic strips. And when you go to museum, be prepared for information overload. She is completely addicted to the written word.

She also loves to hear stories. Not exactly soap operas, but the kind you hear on the Delilah syndicated radio show. Last night, as I was putting away the remain of Mount Laundry, I found Darby drawing in her room, listening to a Stevie Wonder Christmas song. We don't own that one in particular, so I asked where she got it. It turns out that Darby has discovered Delilah and was tuning in to her broadcast. Delilah listens to those people from all over the United States that call in to dedicate songs by Rod Stewart and Celine Dion to long lost loves, old high school friends, and people that want Delilah to listen to their hardships. I NEVER listen to Delilah, mostly because Scott would make fun of me, but Darby absolutely loves it. She even memorizes all the stories. And she tells them to me - all of them.

I am convinced that one day Darby's love of words and passion for dramatic stories will manifest itself in a great novel or a magazine article. Or maybe she will start her own blog, specifically for Delilah fans...