Saturday, May 7, 2011

Secrets

Can you keep a secret?  Do you guard every minute detail?  The concept of keeping a secret triggers different emotions in people.  With my three year olds at preschool, tell them that they are making a secret present for their momma, and tell them not to tell their momma about the present, and watch the look on their faces.  They don't know how they feel about it.  Some of them love it - they know something momma does not know.  Some of them are already thinking about what they want for a snack and have forgotten that they are actually creating a work of art as a gift for momma.  Some of them are confused as to why they should not tell their momma that they painted some darn cute strawberry pots for their momma.  Why keep a secret?

Roxy is very conflicted about secrets.  She knows that she should keep the secret, because some surprises are good surprises.  Presents are good surprises.  But, keeping secrets goes against her true core - her undying devotion and faithfulness to those she loves.  She cannot reconcile the guilt she feels over hiding a feeling or emotion from someone she trusts with every fiber of her being.  When she commits a sin that is completely out of her character, it eats her up to the point where there is withdrawal, sobbing, and private confession to her momma because she cannot bear to think about disappointing the perfect people in her life (Scott and Darby.)  I am so glad she will confess to me.  I listen and I comfort and I tell her that she must tell Darby and daddy because she can never keep secrets from them and that they love her very much, no matter what the sin.

And keeping something wonderful, something to celebrate from me, well, she feels a polarizing conflict.  Roxy will tell you, "I know something that is a secret, so don't look in my bag or you will find it."  And then she will whisper to Darby, right in front of your face, because keeping a secret from her momma is so hard, she needs fortification from her sister to keep the secret while she makes eye contact with me.

I predict that I will find out what is hidden in that bag first thing in the morning.  Six a.m.  Before I have a chance to go to the bathroom or put on my glasses, or even wake up for that matter.  It is going to kill her to keep this secret until morning.

I recently spilled a secret without realizing it.  It was my husband's secret, and now his sister is bothered that there was a small but happy secret kept from her.  Because of this spilling, my husband is not happy with me.  And his brother is not happy with him because Scott kept the secret from his sister and she found out about it.  Did I mention it was a happy secret?  Somehow this has happened to become a not-so-happy event and it is all my fault.  Great.  In a sarcastic font with a frowny face.

I guess I should not be trusted with secrets.  Roxy, too.  We are not cut out for this business.

1 comment:

  1. Oh Sheree, no worries...I'm thrilled w/ Scott's surprise and just teasing my brothers about not being included in their brotherhood. I love secrets and especially happy ones that get shared.

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