Franks' Miscellany

Bulletin Doodles

2011-10-30T11:23:00.000-07:00

For a change, our church bulletin had a huge white space in it instead of the usual bullet points with fill in the blanks. Normally, Roxy does a Mad-Lib style rewriting of Scott's sermon notes. Some of them are pretty funny. Today, Roxy was inspired by "The Story of Everything," a you-tube video from Austrailia, I think. We love that one.

So, Roxy illustrates sin. With a lizard instead of a snake? Go figure.

Sketchpad: Darby's Latest Project

2011-10-25T17:42:00.000-07:00

Sometime this summer, Darby started to draw. She has always kind of dabbled, even as a two year old. I remember distinctly one evening in Houston when Darby was two and she started drawing page after page of people, with lots of specific features. It seemed to be something that happened overnight.

So, the latest overnight change in my eldest daughter is drawing. Suddenly, with no instruction outside of a couple of library books on art, we have a daughter who is filling sketch pads with her art. And now we have the makings of a graphic novel. I cannot wait to see what happens next with this girl.

...Go See a Man About a Horse

2011-10-17T17:50:00.000-07:00

My city slicker daughters have never got to have much interaction with animals of the non-stuffed variety. So, on a particularly glorious Sunday afternoon, they accepted an invitation to feed and groom a horse. Roxy was very excited about this, which also means she was nervous about it as well. Darby was totally cool about it all, which means she is officially a teenager and she is beyond acting like a kid now. Sigh.

They liked the cleaning and the grooming, and when it was time to ride, they both did a great job. Roxy got to wear her Oklahoma State Fair cowboy hat, and that made her very happy. She was not so confident about riding the horse, but by the time she got on the horse for the second time, she was pretty happy with what she had learned.

The best news of the day was this: these girls do not want their own horse. Daddy could not be more pleased. Which also means: they may get to go out and take care of the horse again. It is a win-win for all.

Just Enjoy the Show

2011-10-01T13:29:00.000-07:00

Yes, she is amazing (to me.) I could watch her all day. And now, my house is filled with music and singing and my mothering dream has come true :)

I must apologise for the whiny quality of the volume. This girl needs better technology to show off her voice, and we are determined to get better technology sometime soon. And, in case you were wondering, Roxy is reading the graphic novel version of Twilight in the background. It is Darby's book and she is fascinated with it. Next, she will be reading the graphic novel version of The Scarlet Letter. We are so cultured around these parts.

Teenage Drama Queen

2011-08-23T19:47:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about my teenager today. As of today, I have a teenager. Gulp.

I pulled out the scrapbooks to reflect on my daughter. I decided to scan a page for this blog post, as a tribute to what 10 years can do in the life of my little teenaged girl.

Ten years ago, Darby talked just like Anne Shirley from the Anne of Green Gables books. Ten year ago, Darby expressed every thought in her head with shocking clarity. Ten years ago, Darby would wake up at 4 a.m. and insist it was time to get up because she deemed it so, even though the sun would never obey her and rise. Ten years ago, Darby was three. It is all a blur right now.

Three was not a good year. Lots of good moments, but a pretty tough year.

But that year is in a galaxy far, far away now. Everything has changed. For the better. I am so grateful for this girl, for what God has given her, and for everything I have experienced with Darby. Happy 13th birthday sweetheart.

Little Girls/Big Girls

2011-08-19T16:51:00.000-07:00

The blues hit me today. My girls are all grown up and I am merely an alarm that wakes them in the morning. They get themselves ready, put in their contacts, fix their hair (but I sometimes intervene anyway), pack their lunches, do the dishes, clean the bathrooms and their bedrooms. They still need me, but they are very self sufficient in many ways. Sniff, sniff.

The blues hit me today when I looked at this photo. Probably one of my all-time favorites. I actually teared up. Darby was in second grade and still refused to wear her glasses all the time. Roxy was three and was learning how to get candy from every living human being by showing them those cute puppy-dog eyes and being impossibly sweet. AND they let me dress them in coordinating outfits. They were not perfect children, but they were completely, wholly unique, fascinating, and mine. They needed me 24/7.

I thought about a recent photo we took of the girls on one of our random road trips and I thought of how I was seeing them now and how I saw my daughters way back then.

Maybe this is all just a precursor to the new reality: I am 40 and am about to be the parent of a thirteen year old daughter whose mind goes so far beyond my expectations and whose intellect and love for words still blows me away. She actually scares me sometimes. And she is so beautiful too. The other reality: my baby will be turning 10 this year. To this day, every photo I see of her, I see her as a baby. My baby, who can make us laugh when she uses her sarcasm, her goofy faces, her infectious laugh. And she is so beautiful too.

This recent photo shows me something that I had always hoped and prayed for: my girls loving each other. Roxy would do absolutely anything for her big sister and will go to great lengths to impress her and please her and defend her. Darby looks out for her little sister, tolerates her better than anyone on the planet, and she is always so helpful and full of good advice for her. Their kindness towards one another is startling.

I want to freeze this new reality and keep it forever. Or, at least I don't want to mess it up. Here's hoping that in another six years, I will see the same things in that picture.

A Tale of Two Daughters

2011-08-15T17:32:00.000-07:00

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was the first day of school.

I did not shed a single tear this year as I kicked my little chickies out of the nest. I could only hope for the best. This is how their stories go:

Tale #1: Daughter woke at 6 am, full of life and happiness. Yay! First day of school! Daughter already had her clothes picked out (a graphic tee with the slogan "Nerd Alert" on it. No, I am not making this up.) Obligatory first day of school picture is taken with her sporting a lovely peace sign-covered backpack (worn on one shoulder only this year. She has matured.) Was so excited to be "older" this year, in the same hall as the oldest kids. Lots of new students in class and she is going to be friends with them, but is not sure if she will ever remember their names. Sits by all boys - by choice? Watch out for that one, Scott. Surrounded by friends at lunch, has a very happy recess on brand new playground equipment, rides home with a good buddy from class and the bus driver does not yell or anything bad. Daughter is greeted at the door by me, holding a glass bowl filled with peanut butter M&Ms. One minute later, I am signing every possible permission slip required by the administration. Daughter proudly shows me her homework binder that she has organized with tabs, her very first agenda, and perfect handwriting is all over it. She immediately does her homework as I toss her M&Ms. Then, we go do our cardio workout. Daughter is not tired yet and cannot stop talking about her exciting day. Evening is capped off with a brand new Adventure Time with Finn and Jake. Life is wonderful.

Tale #2: Daughter drags her weary body out of bed. Could not go to sleep last night - must have been nail polish fumes in her bedroom or something like that. The hair is pretty big this morning, so she must bind the hairy beast. Slumps at the breakfast table. Packs her own lunch, and I smile because she is showing some gumption now. Dresses in her newest clothes, which includes jeans with lots of holes in them, but none in revealing places, so they pass the dress code. Daughter wears her new Keds with the yellow laces, which reminds me of being in middle school and wearing my Keds, too. No first day photo - she is too mature for that. Makes a mournful face and trudges off to the bus stop. At least the makeup looks good on her, and no breakouts :) Comes home 30 minutes late, but it is because she chose to walk home from school. Walked home with lots of other kids and liked it? Yes, it's true. Had the best possible thing happen at school: the counselors finally put her on the correct team where she has all of the classes and actually has friends. She is no longer a transient soul! She is happy! She found friends at lunch! She is impressed with a couple of teachers! She is excited about all of the chorus activities this year! Wicked! Disney! Singing at Braves and Hawks games! She is not in P.E.! And she is eating peanut butter M&Ms, happily watching Psych reruns on cable! She has not had a good first day of school in years - the drought is over, and this mom feels saturated with the good things that blessed her daughters today. Life is wonderful.

And then we grabbed our church bulletins and got free sandwiches at Chic-Fil-A. The End.

Back to unCool School

2011-08-06T06:52:00.000-07:00

No one in this house is really looking forward to school this year. This is the first occurrence of this particular attitude.

Darby's definition of school: miasma.

Roxy's definition of school: boring.

I feel great anxiety with the beginning of each new school year. How much will the supplies cost? (About $75, collectively.) Do they have enough appropriate school clothes/shoes? (Yes, but we picked up a couple of things anyway.) Are the book bags intact? (No, we need those too. And everything in the stores is lame, lame, lame.) What teachers will they get this year? (Roxy has stated she will not be going back to school if she gets a male teacher. What's up with that?) Are the friends from last year returning? (In Darby's case, yet again, at least one buddy is not. This seems to happen every year.)

As a mom, I want to love and protect these girls. I also want them to put on their big-girl britches and be quiet and get over it. Everything is going to be alright. Eventually.

Look at the bright side, girls. You are getting out of the house, away from Adventure Time with Finn and Jake, you will be bombarded with lots of interesting people and activities that will cost me lots of money, you will have a whole new world of opportunities open up to you this year.

School will not be a miasma! School will not be boring! Because I said so, that's why! Three cheers for school, everyone!

Go West

2011-08-01T07:26:00.000-07:00

The Franks' family is finally back from their lampoon of a vacation. We did the shopping, the touristy western photo with the grands, we hit every old time candy store west of the Mississippi, we played a lot of games and received a lot of hugs. Scott got to be Cousin Eddie when we slept in a trailer for a week. I read five novels, pretending that I was not married to Cousin Eddie. And the girls did not get carsick as we took every possible twisty route through the Ozarks. We attempted to do as much as humanly and financially possible in two weeks. I am tired, but happy.

Challenging. That is the first word I think of when we try to plan to see our family in the summer. Two families, thousands of miles apart and away from us, makes for some complicated, logistical strategy. Not to mention that you are trying to hook up with as many family members as possible. Mission accomplished.

Nostalgic. That is what it feel as I make dozens of phone calls to meet up with everyone from our previous lives. It kind of feels like we have lived multiple lives sometimes, because everywhere we have planted our roots, for whatever length of time, feels like a former life now. The rolodex of names we must scroll through when we attend church in MT, OK, etc. is like playing a trivia game. What was the name of your first cousin's second child, whom you have not seen in years? That one is tough. But, the family reunion was so enjoyable, and we loved seeing everyone all together with their little ones in tow.

Comforting. The comfort we feel being around people who love us without conditions is the greatest reward. Our family, the closest of our old friends - we love and miss them all. I do not understand why God has chosen to scatter my family so often and so far, but I do feel that appreciating every moment of our time with family is the most important part of our summer.

So, now it is back to church and the final few weeks of summer. I hope I can revive my tan, get through Mount Laundry, and find all of the chargers for all of our electronics. Life is sweet.

The Big One

2011-07-13T14:15:00.000-07:00

i had the Big One on Monday - I faced down the 4-0 and am still alive. So, how did I celebrate? I worked Camp Hickory at church. But I did get to remember some lovely moments from my "Say Goodbye to My 30s" cruise. The ship was wonderful, but I did miss my fam after a while. My husband made this trip possible for me so I could have something I have always wanted - a real vacation! It was great to get away and enjoy lots of pampering and meet lots of people from all around the world. And getting a real breakfast every morning that I did not prepare was priceless. And the flirty, Italian maitre d' was fun, too.

I watched about a dozen movies on the ship and lounged on the decks and was thoroughly entertained without having to lift a finger. (But I did lift my feet - I stuck to the stairs on the trip. It helps justify the evening desserts and the pastry cafe.)

I went to Maine and enjoyed a truly beautiful part of the country I had never seen before.

I ate my very own lobster in Maine. I ate a lot of seafood on this trip and I saved enough calories so that I only gained two pounds total. I did pretty good. I have already knocked off those two pounds since then.

I went to Boston and roamed around that large, crazy city. It was pretty cool, but noticeably dirty, too.

I went to Rhode Island and toured some ridiculous historic mansions and soaked up the yachting culture of the tiny state. Profane wealth is kind of interesting to me. Then I at ice cream filled with chocolate covered potato chips and it was perfect.

It's Been a While

2011-07-07T17:07:00.000-07:00

Not only did I take a blog vacation, I went to Mom camp. On a cruise ship. In Canada. And New England.

Best Mom Camp Ever.

Unlike most bloggers I know, I have absolutely no photography gifts, so you get what you get and you don't throw a fit. And honestly, I am not sure how to capture the true beauty of Prince Edward Island. It was a cold and windy day, too, and 3,100 of my closest cruising friends descended on the little island waiting for our big excursion - the Anne of Green Gables estate. That place was perfect and had the biggest hostas I have ever seen, since the climate there is ideal for picturesque gardens. I can see why the author loved it so much and was so inspired by it. And nothing smelled like fish out there in the country, as opposed to everywhere else we visited in Canada. But I do love fish and ate lots of it, and brought home lots of Roots Canada shirts for the whole fam. This was a fun day at Mom Camp.

Tracks

2011-05-29T17:51:00.000-07:00

We took some random shots on a short road trip to Talking Rock, Georgia. Tiny but charming town with stores I liked and a picturesque park with the perfect stream running through it - and some train tracks plus and old train. The schoolhouse museum was cute, too. I wonder how there ended up being so many charming towns in North Georgia. Follow this up with some good southern barbecue, and my day was complete and happy. Thanks, babe :)

The Target Equation

2011-05-23T18:09:00.000-07:00

We just got back from a trip to Target. I went into the store, knowing that I needed some specific items. Let me set this up like a formula: put the things you know on one side of the equal sign, then solve for what you do not know on the other side (this is the variable.)

The things I know:

1. I will need to buy multiple hair products for all of our multiple hairs.
2. I will get sucked in to the book section, because for some reason the Target marketing team knows how to appeal to my Mom demographic. (i.e. a picture of a woman/child from behind, standing on a sandy beach, with a subtitle about strength to move on after tragedy/perseverance in starting her life over/finding a long lost love/discovering a new purpose in life.) You get the picture, right?
3. Roxy will be bound and determined to spend all if not most of her allowance. On mindless plastic crap.
4. I will talk Roxy out of the plastic crap, then she will move on to the DS game section where she inevitably finds just what she wanted. Sigh.
5. Darby will have to visit the rest room.
6. I will have to send Roxy with Darby so that Darby returns from the restroom, where they will find me reading book jackets in the book section of Target.
7. Darby will get lost anyway, typically in the make-up section.
8. Roxy will see someone she knows from school.
9. I will see someone I know from church.
10. There will be at least four items in the cart that I had no idea I was going to purchase.

This is the thing I don't know:

x=how much my grand total will be. (There is no telling what it is when you are buying make-up, that's for sure.)
y=how much time we will waste in this store
So the equation looks like this:

((1+2+3)+(4+5+6)/(7+8+9))*10=x+y

Based on tonight's trip (and every other night's trip, in all honesty), the answer for x is always around $80, including the DS game purchased by Roxy.

As far as y goes, it's usually about an hour. But I do love this hour with my girls, in my quiet and not-at-all creepy Target.

Another Lady in the House

2011-05-20T13:54:00.000-07:00

I am sharing this with the world, much to Scott's chagrin.

There is another lady in the house.

There are already three lovely ladies here, but Scott went out and got another one.

Scott refuses to name her, so I have taken that task upon myself. Her name is Manda Lin.

I can't tell you how thrilled I am that Scott is learning to play an instrument. And it is a normal instrument, unlike some of the crazy ones he has looked into lately. If you don't know what a crazy instrument is, you apparently don't troll YouTube often enough.

So, now my husband is learning how to play this great instrument. He better learn some Avett Brothers, cuz that would make Momma really happy, too.

Hip to be Square

2011-05-18T13:04:00.000-07:00

Scott and I hosted a class party on Sunday - a Four Square picnic and tournament. We used washable sidewalk paint to make the four square grids, set out a bunch of orange cones to block off our parking lot, and let everyone play.

Most adults did not know how to play four square. That did not prevent the adults from immediately getting competitive, though. We started a bracket for a competition and had an overall winner of our Quatro Cup. It is an enormous trophy with a giant ball on it (reminiscent of a tumor), spray painted by my lovely daughter Darby. It was a fun evening with lots of kids enjoying just being together, playing four square, then kick ball, then pushing each other around in big wheel bikes. We found that the best and easiest party could be made by simply painting the pavement and letting the kids run around. Who knew?

Hen and Chicks

2011-05-13T19:51:00.000-07:00

Something interesting about this photo: Roxy's nametag. She labels herself "Roxy the Alien." I don't know why. It just needs to be documented since she thinks she is from another planet, or another country or whatever. She labels herself as different and has no problem telling the world about it. I kind of like that.

The Hubs

2011-05-12T13:00:00.000-07:00

My hubs was in Montana this week and accidentally ended up in a photo. Believe me, it could not have been on purpose because he avoids cameras like they are the plague.

I see various things when I see this photo. I see my hubs, or my husband. I see the father of my girls. I see 16 years of marriage.

But I am posting it because I see gray hair. I am graying as well, and I am happy to have a hubs that is graying with me. This rare photo is the first in my recollection where the gray is obvious to the casual observer. My gray hair is obvious to the professional hair stylist, the makeup artist at the Clinique counter who looks at you under those horrific lights that show every hair and pore magnified 1000 percent, and my gray hair is obvious to those who choose to observe me closely in a mirror. But the photo of my gray hair does not exist (yet.) I know it will, and I hope that when I post it, it will only bring a smile to the faces that gaze upon it, like the smile I have on mine when I see his gray hair. Be proud of your gray, babe. You are my silver lining :)

Secrets

2011-05-07T18:13:00.000-07:00

Can you keep a secret? Do you guard every minute detail? The concept of keeping a secret triggers different emotions in people. With my three year olds at preschool, tell them that they are making a secret present for their momma, and tell them not to tell their momma about the present, and watch the look on their faces. They don't know how they feel about it. Some of them love it - they know something momma does not know. Some of them are already thinking about what they want for a snack and have forgotten that they are actually creating a work of art as a gift for momma. Some of them are confused as to why they should not tell their momma that they painted some darn cute strawberry pots for their momma. Why keep a secret?

Roxy is very conflicted about secrets. She knows that she should keep the secret, because some surprises are good surprises. Presents are good surprises. But, keeping secrets goes against her true core - her undying devotion and faithfulness to those she loves. She cannot reconcile the guilt she feels over hiding a feeling or emotion from someone she trusts with every fiber of her being. When she commits a sin that is completely out of her character, it eats her up to the point where there is withdrawal, sobbing, and private confession to her momma because she cannot bear to think about disappointing the perfect people in her life (Scott and Darby.) I am so glad she will confess to me. I listen and I comfort and I tell her that she must tell Darby and daddy because she can never keep secrets from them and that they love her very much, no matter what the sin.

And keeping something wonderful, something to celebrate from me, well, she feels a polarizing conflict. Roxy will tell you, "I know something that is a secret, so don't look in my bag or you will find it." And then she will whisper to Darby, right in front of your face, because keeping a secret from her momma is so hard, she needs fortification from her sister to keep the secret while she makes eye contact with me.

I predict that I will find out what is hidden in that bag first thing in the morning. Six a.m. Before I have a chance to go to the bathroom or put on my glasses, or even wake up for that matter. It is going to kill her to keep this secret until morning.

I recently spilled a secret without realizing it. It was my husband's secret, and now his sister is bothered that there was a small but happy secret kept from her. Because of this spilling, my husband is not happy with me. And his brother is not happy with him because Scott kept the secret from his sister and she found out about it. Did I mention it was a happy secret? Somehow this has happened to become a not-so-happy event and it is all my fault. Great. In a sarcastic font with a frowny face.

I guess I should not be trusted with secrets. Roxy, too. We are not cut out for this business.

Let's Talk About Dar

2011-05-05T18:26:00.000-07:00

What can I say about her? She is an enigma, wrapped up in a conundrum, sprouting lots of tangled corkscrews and perplexing vocabulary words. I would include a photo, but because the computer is from a region far, far south from here I have no current photos anymore. Sigh.

Watching her sing a sweet solo with her girls' choir tonight, I found myself wrapped up in a conundrum of an enigma. How did we get this far? How did she learn to sing so well? Where did she get the ability to make speeches in public, like she showed us on Wednesday night? I have no clue and no contribution to these gifts, other than I picked out that cute top she was wearing.

The marvelous girl can impress me sometimes. I would like to take credit for something in her brain, but she does that work herself. At the academic bowl on Saturday, she was able to spout off all sorts of knowledge - correctly- and she came up with lots of things I did not know. How does this happen? Doesn't she know that I have to have control over every aspect of her life, from her clothing to her corkscrews to her knowledge of trivia and literature and poetry and presidents and art and continents?

But Darby's head is all her own. I'm thankful right now that she lets me pick out a top for her every once in a while.

The Walking Dead

2011-03-10T13:20:00.000-08:00

The Franks' household is turning into the walking dead. Something unexplained and evil is gripping us during our sleeping hours. And I don't like it. Not one little bit.

I can't even begin to explain Darby's strange dreams this week. The poor girl is in middle school and gets enough daily drama without having to deal with her nightly dramas in her dreams.

My dreams have been real winners, too. Nightmares and/or bizarre dreams have been plaguing me this week. I go from being robbed and running for my life to having a date with Jimmy Fallon where he is everything but his usual adorable self. And then I have the nightmare about getting those hideous toenails that are thick and yellow and performing surgery on myself, only to find that underneath it all my toenails are really dill pickles, the round kind you get at Chic-Fil-A.

Scott has not been getting any sleep, either. This is because of the poltergeist in our home. In the middle of the night, our lamps mysteriously turn themselves on, one at a time. Just the bedside lamps, but still very freaky. He turns one off, only to have the other lamp turn itself on. He turns the second lamp off, then the first lamp turns itself on. This has happened two nights in a row, at the same time each night. When he finally dozes off, he dreams about being on a public transit bus, riding aimlessly around Atlanta, where some weird guy is snoring and Scott can't fall asleep.

And now it seems some strange being has possessed the vacuum cleaner, the camera, the computer, and the refridgerator. All of these things are on the fritz - at the same time as the lamps. I smell a conspiracy.

Due to these strange events and our significant lack of sleep this week, I have decided that we are more than qualified for an audition with "The Walking Dead." I love to see the Atlanta locations on that show. And we could use a few extra bucks. Going to the Zombie School here in town is not even necessary for us - we are already in good form, black eye circles and all.

Persuasion

2011-03-01T17:21:00.000-08:00

Cutting costs is a way of life. I am not as avid as "The Cheapest Family in America," but I am very attuned to every cost cutting measure I can find.

Because of this, I find myself to be perfect fodder for the marketing geniuses in this world. "They" know me. "They" know what I like and where I shop. "They" find me on Facebook. "They" send me $10 bonuses in the mail. "They" tell me that everything in the store will be 30% off - for a 24 hour period.

"They" are very persuasive. They know just how to get me.

I find myself considering how I can get over to Chipotle, my favorite place for cheap Mexican food, so this great coupon does not go to waste. I find myself joyful over the fact that I got a $20 off coupon, and $10 store credit, and a double points coupon - all for DSW. "They" know how I like to stack my coupons. And now, I have discovered a price war going on here in Georgia over carpeting and installation. "They" are tempting me with free installation, cheap carpet, and free take down/set up of furniture. And my carpet is bad. Tres, tres pas magnifique.

I do have some limits to this persuasion, though. I am not an extreme couponer, as seen on TV. Coupons for under 25 cents do not get clipped in this house. Some of the ads do not tempt me at all. And when the computer tries to tell me to listen to some of its musical selections for me, I cannot hit that dislike button fast enough when Matchbox Twenty comes on. How does the Ryan Adams channel sync up with Matchbox Twenty anyway? Ugh.

Do not be the least bit surprised if I drive into the blood and guts of Atlanta on Friday with my Chipotle coupon in hand, after a stop at DSW. I just can't be persuaded to let some good deals fly away...

Firsts

2011-02-25T09:18:00.000-08:00

I am firmly entrenched in reality right now. The reality of my terrible sinuses. The reality of Mount Laundry, that I must climb, yet again. The reality that life is not a cruise.

This old woman has accomplished many firsts with this cruise. And I am proud.

-first trip to Florida
-first cruise
-first time in another country other than the USA
-first time eating lobster
-first time eating Baked Alaska
-first time in a casino (I watched people feed money into the machines. Was not impressed.)
-first time in a karaoke bar (I watched people sing. Was somewhat impressed. But no singing for me - they had no classic Linda Ronstadt tunes, so I took a pass.)
-first time in a dance club (sat on a couch and watched people dance. Was impressed by the people that actually knew how to dance. Photo of me holding a Bible was taken this night. I was a saint.)

My favorite things included a facial (I haven't had one in 10 years), fine dining, lounge chairs and pool boys, and lots of time with lots of nice women from church. I look forward to getting to go to an island again, putting my feet in the sand, and listening to the sounds and breathing the air. But for now, I will battle my pollen-charged allergies and just remember the complete relaxation of sleeping on the ocean and lounging on the beach.

Yeah, it was great.

Back to Reality

2011-02-24T05:58:00.000-08:00

Reality is sometimes a cruel and unusual punishment. I managed to escape my family for a few days and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. But now, it's time to get back. No more pool boys bringing me drinks. No more sunning on the deck, reading a paperback novel. No more meals prepared for me that are way beyond my budget and nowhere near my coupon stack. No more marvelling at the different colors of blue that I could see in the ocean.

Back to the real world. Guess I can marvel at the colors of blue that get created by my toilet bowl cleaner...

Come Sail Away

2011-02-16T16:44:00.000-08:00

I bought the Dramamine.

I tried on every outfit in my closet and threw them all in the suitcase.

I spent longer than two seconds shaving my legs and painting my toenails. In February, no less.

I am about to boldly go where this momma has never gone before. A sandy vacation. With midnight buffets.

Sorry you couldn't come babe. Just picture me lolling around in a hammock, cuz that is my agenda.

It's Raining Men

2011-02-11T05:59:00.000-08:00

Scott and I exchanged a strange look with each other when we heard Roxy sing "It's Raining Men", which she has learned from a Wii game. How are you supposed to feel about an eight year old singing about all the men?

The Franks fam cannot escape this theme this week. It seems to be raining men. And Scott does not like it. Not one little bit.

It all started when Roxy was at lunch one day and a boy in her class asked if she was going to the school 80s party. She said that she was going, and then he asked if she would like to dance with him. And she said yes.

Roxy did not know that she would need to get her father's permission to dance with a cute blond boy with a third grade Bieber haircut.

Roxy is so innocent. And this boy is so sweet. And Scott is ticked off. Veiled threats were made. This girl/boy relationship is based on lunchroom proximity and a love of Harry Potter books, but that does not matter to Scott.

So we get to the 80s party and there he is, wearing an 80s concert tshirt, denim jacket, and Chuck Taylors. Roxy, wearing her paint splattered ruffle skirt, fingerless gloves, and Scrunchied pony tail - to the side- looks adorable in her Chuck Taylors, too. I fumble in my purse, making sure I have my camera.

Roxy hooks up with the girl pack, and they circle the boys. Kind of like something you would see on Animal Planet, waiting for someone to make the first move.

Roxy goes up and talks to him, but no dice. A few minutes later she grabs him and he runs around with those girls, but still no dance. Then she goes up to him later and gives him a high five, but yet again, he has not broken the ice and asked her to dance.

In the car on the way home, Roxy says that she had a good time, but how come the boy wouldn't dance with her? I tell her that boys are very shy and that he is still her friend even though he was not ready to dance. Roxy decides that she is kind of mad at him anyway.

Scott has a huge laugh at the boy's expense and feels like his telepathic powers controlled the entire situation.

How naive, young master Scott.

Two days later, Roxy brings home a phone number of a different boy from her class that she wants to contact about a "play date" where they can bond over Scribblenauts. I ask how she got his number and she tells me that she gave him her phone number first so that they can help each other out on their game. I then find out that she thinks this boy is even cuter than the other one and has thought so since the first day of school when she noticed him. And can they have a play date tomorrow?

Roxy is so innocent. She does not know that she needs her father's permission to give her phone number to a boy.

Currently, there have been no phone calls or play dates. I am curious about the valentines Roxy will be sending these boys. I just found out that she feels that both boys are "even" in how much she likes them.

Remember her song, Scottie. It's raining men.

Southern Cultural Enrichment

2011-02-01T12:33:00.000-08:00

Magazines are a weakness for me. I do not care for electronic media, because sometimes the sum of the whole is greater than its parts. Same things with albums: you lose the point when you do not hear the whole concept of the artist, so buying individual songs defeats the message.

This is a magazine that I love and the whole magazine is greater than its parts, every single issue. I just love it when a favorite band shows up on a favorite magazine. And it is even better when there are lots of banjo bands in the magazine.

If you like the South and its food and its history, take a look at this magazine. Makes you want to drive on an old road and look for the small town treasures...

Hello, I Am ISTJ

2011-01-28T12:19:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been confronted with the limitations of your personality? Maybe "limitations" is not the best choice of word, but today, it definitely felt like a limitation.

Over the years, I have had the opportunity to do a self-evaluation in the form of a Meyers-Briggs test. Took one before I married my husband, and I took one after some major events went down (in the form of unemployment, sale of a home, parenthood, relocation to an unknown city 1000 miles away). I had another test compiled for my husband and myself that provided much insight into the way our relationship works together and how our needs can be met when comparing the needs and personality of my husband. I happen to love these test things, not because I am into psychology, but because it has a way of helping you remember how you are wired and what works for you.

In the beginning, I was an ENTJ (extrovert, intuitive, thinking, judging). Because I am a constantly evolving mom, my label has changed. I blame mommadom on switching from intuitive (N) to sensing (S). Also, my role as preacher's wife and my marriage to an introvert has provided me with the insight that I am no longer an E (extrovert) but an I (introvert). Once I earned an F (feeling) instead of T (thinking), but that was probably an anomaly or just a very hormonal day for me. The funny thing about these tests is my husband's results: they have not changed one little bit. He is a hardcore INTJ, as far on the scale of each of those categories as possible. My scores reside largely in the grayer areas. It actually angered me the second time we had the analysis processed, because I could not figure out how on earth he could not change, and I was a statistical mess based on the way I was scored. Hence, the anomaly/hormonal day.

As a parent, I am conscious of raising my girls to be flexible, forgiving, unafraid to try new things, ready for growth and development and knowledge. Wouldn't it be great if I could remind myself of these things as well? In my years on this earth, it never ceases to amaze me how i get myself into situations where I just shouldn't be, where I am so out of my element that I cannot remember the things I am trying to model to my girls. I simply mess it all up, and because of the J (judging) part of me, I put my foot in my mouth. In public, I should remain an I (introvert) and keep the E (extrovert) under wraps for my own good. Good idea in theory, but very difficult to practice.

So the next time I have to work with the world, out there, or the next time I am trying to find some form of employment and am trying to impress a boss with my attributes (not limitations), I think I will print off a new name tag with this information:

ISTJ Quiet, serious, earn success by thoroughness and dependability. Practical, matter-of-fact, realistic, and responsible. Decide logically what should be done and work toward it steadily, regardless of distractions. Take pleasure in making everything orderly and organized – their work, their home, their life. Value traditions and loyalty.

Disclaimer: Scott does not agree that I try to make everything orderly and organized. Comparatively, he is definitely the organizer and orderly one and I am the loose, unscheduled one. I like to think it is my mission in life to give him something to organize :)

Save the Date

2011-01-20T13:01:00.000-08:00

In the mail today was a save the date card for a very happy and joyful upcoming day. I am looking forward to this date, because it gives me a very definitive answer.

It is the date that I am officially "old." Again.

Older than I knew I was, older than I felt, older than I want anyone else to know I am.

These moments creep up on you sometimes. I felt it the other day when Roxy purchased a pair of fingerless gloves, Madonna-style circa 1983. I remember watching MTV, seeing all the wannabes dressed like her. My eight year old daughter has this accessory that makes me feel old. I felt old this morning when I went into Darby's room, searching for something to wear that is hers. You DEFINITELY feel old when you have a daughter that can supply you with clothing/accessories. I remember watching kids I would babysit graduate from high school. That was a very strange feeling. Also, going to their wedding showers. That is a weird event as well.

Now, my flower girl is getting married. She was so little when I got married, in a beautiful white dress and ringlets.

This spurs another "senior" moment of oldness in my mind. I will go comfort myself by pulling gray hairs out of my scalp and eating dinner at 4:30 tonight. Sigh.

The Unplanned Staycation

2011-01-17T08:25:00.000-08:00

It came like a thief in the night. Soundless...then shock and awe. We had so much snow in one hour, then we got more, and more, then came the ice. And we still have snow. Everywhere.

Roads are passable now in most places. We missed a whole week of school and had to deal with food shortages at stores and restaurants (and homes by the end of the week.) People slipping on the ice filled emergency rooms, because they just had to get out and get their mail after not having mail service for three days.

We are almost back to our normal routine, except today is a holiday for MLK. So please enjoy our photos: the suspension bridge marble roller coaster is a true work of engineering, patience, and it is pretty fun, too. Scott's work of engineering is his snow fort, where he led his poor little lamb daughters to the slaughter as they ducked inside and got pummeled by his snowballs. The finished fort was four feet tall, with one side at five feet tall, and it had a tunnel entrance. Scott spent hours on that thing! Apparently, Darby has not read "The Art of War" by Tzu. She could not fight back against Scott's attack. But we had a huge laugh at Scott's expense when he tried to incorporate the zip line into his attack - and broke it and fell on his back. It really was funny. But now we have to fix the thing...

Roxy found little hills for sledding, or I should say gliding. The inflatable snow mobile was just right for her. Even Scott and I took it out for a spin, and I slid into the bushes because I am a nerd that way.

Sometimes being cooped up together is a good thing. In this case, it was great. Can't wait for the next Snowpocalypse.

Happy January Wedding Anniversary #15

2011-01-13T07:15:00.000-08:00

Hibernation Day

2011-01-11T12:43:00.000-08:00

You have to love it when lots of snow dumps on your town and you have to miss school on Monday. And Tuesday. Possibly Wednesday, too. The 5+ inches I received will probably stick around for a while. Sure is pretty, though :)

Ick Day

2011-01-08T14:04:00.000-08:00

It is officially a new year, which means the workout centers are absolutely overloaded.

Renewed focus on health and weight loss kind of grosses me out.

I find myself surrounded by people that are not quite what I expect at a place where you have to pay to attend. As I was working out, I noticed a number of non-athletes, like myself, who have a tendency to wear old college t-shirts and other misshapen items from the bottom drawer of the dresser. For the most part, that is acceptable to me. And then I see Grandpa Elmo. He is a grandpa, for sure, adorned in an enormous red shirt with Elmo's face on it. He has red shorts, too. And a red bandanna, Bret Michaels style, on his head. I do not know if his grandchild dressed him, but I suppose that could happen. Then, there is the man that likes to do lunges on the stairs while I train. When he groaning penetrates the sound from my ear buds, I have to notice that he is contorting himself in a quite unhealthy way. And then there is the guy who like to walk on the treadmill, steeply inclined, but he does it backwards while tossing around a yo-yo.

And these are just a few of the examples I remember during my work out.

As I leave, I find the sweatiest man ever. Sitting on upholstered furniture. Reading a magazine. There is not a dry spot on him. Anywhere. Even the top of his head is wet. And it is not raining. And I notice beside him is his towel. Which he has neglected to use. Anywhere. Anywhere on his body.

It is for this reason that I am glad we will be having the snow-pocalypse of the century and I will be unable to go work out. I need some space from these people, especially the sweaty one. And I will never sit down on any furniture there. Ever.

An Ideal Husband

2011-01-05T12:52:00.000-08:00

Roxy is postulating about her ideal husband. Lately, she wants to make a lot of decisions about her future and this is apparently one of those important decisions.

She is eight, by the way.

Right now, she thinks her husband should be tall with dark hair. He should wear contacts, too. And he should be sporty, because she does not want someone who is fat.

Roxy is considering what her husband should do. She thinks it is okay if he is a good preacher, but she is not too sure she wants to be married to a preacher. She thinks it would be great if he could fix things, but then he would be fat.

It is at this point in the conversation that we, the parents, get confused. What's wrong with being married to a preacher? And what is this fixation with fat men? And how come a preacher can't fix things around the house? I sometimes have the same question in my head, but let's not dwell on that last one...

So all you eight year old little men out there - Roxy's sizing up her prospects. I certainly hope you have visual impairments, a prominent stature, and that none of you are fat :)

..and Now a Word From Roxy...

2011-01-03T17:55:00.000-08:00

Roxy is my planner. She is up, always up, on all the details. She cleans her room on Saturday night, knowing I may let her bring a friend home from church and she wants to show she is prepared. She remembers everything, it seems. She remembered the leftover candy from the gingerbread house built on the last day of school 2010, and that bag is sitting in her school desk and she cannot wait to get it. And she has got the week planned out, right down to the number of times she needs to practice basketball before her first game.

Roxy just kind of rocks that way - and I love it.

Roxy is also becoming a planner of her future. Over the Christmas break, she has been very thoughtful about some very specific details of her life: what kind of man she should marry, when she should get married, what color hair he should have, what he should do for his hobbies and his career, what kind of car she will drive, what kind of car she will drive when she has children, what kind of job she will have, what kind of kids she will have, etc. You get the gist of this, don't you?

And she thinks about all of these things in her spare time. More precisely, she thinks about these things during commercial breaks.

Roxy plans how she will spend her time during her favorite TV shows. She is always doing something - drawing, coloring, pretending to be a dog, playing with stuffed animals, building a blanket fort - during the show, then she thinks during the commercials.

Scott and I are fascinated with her priorities, with her planning skills, and with her purposeful use of commercial breaks.

Tune in next time to hear about how she sizes up men, which she thought about during an Adventure time! commercial break...

Music to My Ears

2010-12-13T13:12:00.000-08:00

To all you mothers out there: you must share my joy. I have been feeling it recently. In the past few days I have experienced some moments of "mom euphoria". This happens when something you have been trying to teach, or something you only dreamed would happen, actually does happen. In these mom-phoria moments, you must immediately post it to your blog and share with the world.

Mom-phoria #1: I have a child that can properly AND correctly wrap Christmas presents. AND all said presents are under the tree WITH HAND TIED BOWS ON THEM. No gift has excessive tape either. Hospital corners on every box.

I must pause because I have teared up a little.

Mom-phoria #2: captured on digital image today:

This child is cleaning her room AND VACUUMING without being told to do this task.

Someone is going to have to do CPR on Scott after he sees this one. I guess that will be me :)

I did not think I could be any prouder of either of my girls, but yet again, I am wrong.

Parenting has its privileges, and I have two of them.

I must remember these mom-phoria moments before it is time for them to do the dishes or fuss about their homework.

Nested

2010-12-10T19:51:00.000-08:00

Something kind of remarkable happened today.

I was at home - alone - and I felt relaxed.

Shocker!

The past several months have been a seemingly endless barrage of responsibilities/events that have been a burden on this poor gal. As I was contemplating my every-other-day trip to the grocery store where I prepare yet another dish for some responsibility/event, I realized that today was my only moment of peace this weekend. The revolving door of guest entertaining/church obligations/ work obligations/ necessary service events/ school obligations has left me feeling quite spent. Overwhelmed. Numb.

But today, for a couple of hours, I got to poke around in the basement, looking for Christmas ribbons. There was no schedule pressing me for those few hours. No preparations for me to make - for those few hours. No decisions other than matching either the hounds tooth ribbon or the plaid wired ribbon with the green wrapping paper. I did not have to decorate a classroom, a dining table, a craft project for church. Nothing. Nada.

I even skipped my workout today, because the obligation of getting to the Y felt like another scheduled burden.

Needless to say, my day of silence was over almost as soon as it began. But it felt great. And I went to the grocery store for the third time this week with a smile on my face because I felt lighter because of it.

Tomorrow, it will be back to the usual routine. Meetings have been arranged, plans have been made, calories will be consumed in the course of all of this. I will lose my nested feeling, I know, but now there are beautiful presents under my tree and my daughters are giddy with anticipation. And when more guests arrive, as they always do, I will smile thinking about my next day of nesting. Whenever that will be...

Commercial Happiness

2010-12-07T16:15:00.000-08:00

The World of Coke beckoned to us: come in, buy our stuff, see what it is like to be a happy American. So we went.

It is a fun, festive place. At Christmas, everything is decorated beautifully. The polar bear is there for photos, and he is an awesome mascot. Memorabilia is everywhere. People from all over the world are there, speaking their native languages, making you feel like it's a small world after all.

The gallery of Santa paintings was probably my favorite. Also, the Norman Rockwell paintings are good, too. If you like Americana, you should go to Coke.

It is truly amazing how effective the marketing team at Coke really is. They make you happy with their messages - in every country, in any language. Their movies are clever and their product is very good. It makes you want to buy their happiness. And they have the cashiers to assist you with that, too.

The highlight of the tour is the tasting room. You can taste hundreds of drinks from all around the world, owned by Coke. My impression of the drinks is that in some countries the water must be so terrible that their crazy sodas must seem great. Some of it is so nasty it cannot be described. If I am ever in Djibouti, I will drink nothing. Nothing at all. But if there was a Coke there, I would do a happy dance.

I have now purchased a tiny bottle filled with Coke, and it is a tree ornament. I am curious to see if the girls will leave it on the tree, or if they will sample it...the bottle is tres cute.

2010-11-30T12:43:00.001-08:00

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Hello, Bacon Jam

2010-11-24T18:48:00.000-08:00

The kids are out of school and it was a good time to explore our fair city. It was also a good time to sit in a lot of traffic. Funny how those two things go together.

First, we went to the World of Coke. Everything is decorated pretty for Christmas and we had a good time. We especially liked drinking all the weird flavors of drinks from all around the world. However, when I am in Djibouti and Italy and Uruguay, I will especially careful about what I drink because I tasted some nasty stuff from those places. We even drank Gingerbread Coke, the special flavor of the month. It smelled and tasted just like it sounds, but there were no gingerbread chunks floating around in it. Go figure.

And then, we finally found a place to eat. Yeah! Burger. And it is a very yummy place. I finally got to try something I have wanted to experience: Bacon Jam. It is caramelized bacon in a spreadable form and it makes your food taste really, really good. That little flavor made me very happy about the green bean bundles I am fixing for Thanksgiving, because caramelized bacon is a wonderful party in my mouth and I love it. Also on our lunch plates: fried pickles. So, so good. Yeah! Burger gets a thumbs-up from me.

As the rain settled in and my roaming around the Virginia Highland area drew to a close, I was just happy to spend a day with my family and I was happy to have Bacon Jam. It was all good.

The Pictures

2010-11-23T08:20:00.000-08:00

Here are some photos of our fun little party. Some of our book club came, but in total almost 100 church people were a part of the event. The race pictures are a little lacking, though, because I was laughing at everything :)

The Box-Car Children

2010-11-22T12:00:00.000-08:00

Another wild and wacky church party was on our agenda Saturday. This one was very creative, very inventive, and pretty funny.

Burnt Hickory's Corrugated Car Show was very fun. People could make a car from a box, enter it in the show where the favorites won a trophy, and then there were the races. Children of all ages would sit on skate boards and race their box cars to the finish. And it was hilarious.

Some cars were incredible in their details. Some designers dressed up to go with their cars, like Roxy. She dressed as a hippie to go along with her VW van corrugated car. And the best part was the racing, where everyone cheered for their favorites.

Scott and I enlisted our elementary age book club to make a vehicle, but we made a ship instead of a car. The Dawn Treader, from the C. S. Lewis book, won a second place trophy. Yeah, it was that good.

We could not be the Ghost Busters, though. That car was hilarious and absolutely perfect. Plus, they played a theme song and dressed up as Ghost Busters. They even got their octogenarian mothers to dress up and play with them, too. That group was the best.

My Favorite Things

2010-11-17T12:53:00.000-08:00

So, my week has been kind of cruddy due to a malfunction of my sinuses, not to mention too much to do and not enough time to do it. Blah blah blah, heard it all before from someone else, I'm sure.

My solution for today is to remember my blessings. My favorite things, if you will.

1. I love eating at Panera Bread with my girls. When it gets a little chilly outside, we go in for soup and salad, or mac and cheese for Roxy, and we sit in a relaxing, warm restaurant and enjoy a meal with no rushing to get finished, no animosity, just us girls enjoying a favorite place on a quiet evening.

2. I love elementary school music programs. Today I watched Roxy sing the sweetest turkey songs in a room filled with every grandparent that could attend. Roxy got to play the xylophone on one song and she could not have been prouder, or more perfect. And then I went back to her wonderful classroom and watched Roxy be a fabulous assistant to her teacher by taking care of all of the music selections for the class. Roxy is a responsible girl and she rocks at her job, and I think her teacher appreciates her for the same reasons I do.

3. I love good progress reports. Darby did a good job and I am pleased that I don't have to be a meanie and get her in line.

4. I love lifting my daughter's spirits. I pulled Darby out of school for an hour or so (spirit lift) so we could see Roxy's program. Roxy was so excited that Darby got to come (spirit lift) and she got to show Darby off to all her friends, some of whom remembered Darby from when she would broadcast the news every morning in her 5th grade year. That was two years ago, and Roxy's buddies remember her! Wow.

5. I love Jimmy Fallon. I watched his show from last night before Roxy got home from school. He makes me laugh.

6. I love my quilt fabrics. I have been working on it today and I am thinking I will love this quilt.

7. I love having a day filled with my favorite things, even if I have to do it all with massive amounts of tissues and coughing and medicine.

I Spy With My Little Eye

2010-11-12T11:45:00.000-08:00

Reality Check for a Tweenager

2010-11-05T18:00:00.000-07:00

My dear daughter, the one who always, absolutely always, has to take pictures of herself every day, is officially in the age range where you can no longer tell she is twelve.

I blame it on the Davis genes. If you have ever been to the Davis family reunion, you would understand just how small and insignificant you are and how tall and significant the Davis' clan is. If you are a petite, you could not be a Davis or have that gene.

Petite feet are nonexistent in this house, thanks to the Davis gene. This girl on the left needs a 10 now. Not to mention the Little One not pictured, who now can wear a ladies size 6. GAAK!

All three gals in this house are in serious need of wardrobe rehab, which I can blame on the Davis Gene. When will the growth spurts end? Darby is larger than most adults in my small group, which is quite literally a small group when you think about it. As far as my wardrobe rehab goes, I have issues due to the absence of Dr. Pepper and the introduction of cardovascular exercise. I can't keep my britches on anymore and it is starting to make me a little bit nutty. But the Davis gene will keep me looking like a fabulous plus size model, being that plus size is anything over a size 6 (and I am way over that notch but still happy with my shrinkage:)

So, as far as the reality check goes, Scott got to deal with that one tonight when a comment was made by a trainer at the local YMCA. Darby was getting set up to work out on the machine when he asked her age, and then was surprised that she was only 12. I would have been horrified by a comment that aged me, but this girl was slightly impressed with her ability to confuse a member of the opposite sex.

She is just a baby! A tween age baby! If any of those big, hairy boys at the Y try to hit on her, Scott will lock her up on the third floor of our house and park himself outside on our front steps with his new gun and a box of shells, contemplating exactly who he will shoot first and whether or not he wants to seriously maim anybody. And I will cower inside, knowing that she is beautiful and may be getting noticed by big, hairy boys that want her phone number. Yikes.

An Intellectual Halloween

2010-11-01T13:21:00.000-07:00

This was the year of the book nerd. Roxy wanted to be Nancy Drew, the girl detective. Her purse has many compartments, containing everything a young sleuth needs to solve mysteries: binoculars, magnifying glass, fingerprinting equipment, spare change, pad of paper and pen. This gal is prepared. And she was a very cute, uber-preppy detective, and hardly anyone actually knew who Nancy Drew was. Who are these clueless people? Don't they know anything about children's books? Don't they know that Nancy Drew was the big thing in the 1950s?

So, maybe Roxy is a throwback to another generation, one where the girls dress modestly, where they think and write and serve others. As opposed to the pop tarted girls we saw in the naughty witch costumes, the Major Flirt costumes, and all the sexy kittens that come straight out of the Frederick's of Hollywood catalog.

She won a special prize at out small group Halloween party: Most Intellectual Costume. Her buddy in the top photo won Most Original. She was Orange. She even smelled Orange because they dyed her hair with Kool-Aid, which made her a living, breathing Scratch and Sniff being.

I think my eight year old rocks. And I hope she will share some good candy with me while I take a small sabbatical from my diet.

Creepy Drama Queen

2010-10-26T13:27:00.000-07:00

Darby decided to go goth this year for Halloween. She is Bellatrix LeStrange, the evil witch from the Harry Potter series that kills Neville Longbottom's parents with the Cruciatis curse. I was trying to talk her into being Hermione Granger again, since we have a great costume, but NO! And so, the Witch went to the area wide Youth Halloween party dressed like this. She got the second place award at the party, and she was very proud. It did not seem to bother her one bit that she was the only girl in a witchy costume with dramatic eye makeup and a very significant Dark Mark drawn on her arm with a Sharpie. The fact that she does not need a wig for the witchy hair is something that we just have to learn to live with, kind of like making lemonade out of lemons. Congrats on you creepy win, Dar. Let's hope you don't contract Sharpie poisoning from your Dark Mark-doodled arm...

She's Alive!

2010-10-22T16:10:00.000-07:00

The intensity of this look is pure Darby - she is about to do something that is kind of scary, something she has never done before. She is going to float the rapids on the Ocoee River.

This river is the same river where Olympic athletes competed for medals in 1996. Darby has had a little bit of instruction from Crazy Pete, her guide. I saw a photo of him, and he looks like a character actor from Deliverance. Darby now knows how to fall out of the raft, and she knows the most dangerous places on the river, and she is praying that she avoids all these things.

And she does.

Darby survives the float trip and the spelunking expedition, but both were very intense, very challenging ventures. Confronting fears in a crowd of teenagers is not an easy task - you may be remembered for your less-than-best moments. And, Darby happens to be very verbal about what her issues are - she earned the Drama Queen title on the day of her birth and she has kept it ever since.

But now, a few days later, she is quite satisfied with herself and what she conquered - as long as she does not have to see the photos of the spelunking drama. I don't like those pics, either, Dar. I am sharing this photo with the world because you did a brave thing and I am proud of you. Long live the Darby Queen!

She's Not Normal, Either

2010-10-21T12:48:00.000-07:00

This was conference week for the Franks' fam. Not my favorite week of the year, but it is unavoidable.

Conferences have been a little bit like one of those Dirty Santa gift exchange games. You know there are good things floating around, and just when you think you might hear something good, you realize that your child is not perfect and the teacher is giving you something you would rather not receive: room for improvement. In the case of our Big One, it is always about how she can do everything but she somehow manages to not excel, completely on purpose. In the case of our little one, it is a different story.

Since Roxy started school, there have always been areas of improvement. Not that there's anything wrong with that...but it seems like the teacher is always slightly concerned about what is going on with her. Scott and I feel completely the opposite about our little one - she has always been just fine and we had no concerns until the teacher started telling us what all we had to be worried about - and I would feel defensive. Roxy is our normal child! How can you not get that? Teacher, you don't know issues until you have an infant reading all letters, all the time, and she doesn't even walk yet. We had that kid, and we know what challenges are, and Roxy is not a challenge, trust me.

So this year, we have the opportunity to meet with her teacher (who happens to be fabulous) and we hear a story we have never heard before. "Roxy is not normal." She also mentions that Roxy is an absolute gift, and I agree, but she tells us that it is not normal for a child to want so much responsibility, to do her jobs without looking for extra attention, to do everything without having to be told to do it. And she is nice to everyone, too. Apparently, that is not normal either.

So, the surprise gift thing happened to us again. We found out that Roxy is not normal, but she is a precious gift that I would never swap. And FINALLY...she is a prolific reader. I knew she would cave in to the family trait. Ha Ha Roxy. You found the Franks' family gift!

2010-10-19T18:39:00.001-07:00

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Time to Pick the Pumpkins...

2010-10-19T11:38:00.000-07:00

Roxy got the only child experience whilst her sister was away, being a teenager with her youth group.

Gasp. Choke. Faint.

The Big One is a teenager (almost) and the Little One was alone. No one coped well with this scenario, especially the Little One.

But the pictures turned out cute anyway...

Baby Steps, Giant Leaps

2010-10-12T14:41:00.000-07:00

My oldest has been taking baby steps into adulthood since the moment she was seventeen months old and decided to rise up and walk. These days, it feels like I am earning more stretch marks as I watch her mature and change into something I have never had before - an almost teenage adolescent.

Change is exciting. I don't happen to do exciting very well - just ask Roxy, because she says we have the most boring house EVER. And Darby is pretty much facing it all, head-on, ready to go. This is a slight shift for her, because there have been numerous occasions where she has dug in her heels and refused to acknowledge any change or growth required of her.

But her changes now are of great interest to her. New, mature clothes. Huge-but-beautiful feet. Skin care. Hair care. Text messages that she wants to keep private. Deep thoughts about deep subjects. Activities that take her away from this home and away from her unqualified mother. I am definitely feeling more stretch marks, every day. Who knew that I was the one doing all the stretching? Who knew that I was the one that needed to adapt?

And now, my baby is wanting to redefine herself. And these are more like giant leaps to me. She is now a reader. Now she wants to dance in a studio where she will wear tarted-up spandex. Now, she wants to join a club for the gifted kids that try to solve hypothetical problems in competition venues. This kid? The one who still acts like a wiener dog?

This momma cannot take on those stretch marks right now. No way, no how. I am just trying to survive the big kid, who will soon share my shoe size, if she is that unfortunate...

Less-Than-Deep Thoughts

2010-10-07T14:28:00.000-07:00

Today was a thoughtful day for me. I was around people who were having a less-than-best day, and I thought about what might be provoking them. The children I taught were certainly having their less-than-best day, and I thought about the parents that need to take care of them and teach them a thing or two since I was getting nowhere with them. Sitting at home, reflecting on this day, I had these less-than-deep thoughts:

1. I wish I had HBO. I want to watch the Bruce documentary tonight about one of my top five favorite albums, Darkness of the Edge of Town.

2. I love fall weather, especially here in Georgia. I want to go someplace pretty without a less-than-patient individual getting peeved about traffic and wrong turns. I want to enjoy the great weather without some less-than-adult person complaining about how boring we are.

3. I would like to be able to cook a wonderful meal that everyone would like and would meet my dietary requirements. I feel judged by my plate now if it has anything that is rich in flavor, because it mocks me with its caloric content. And I don't like the mocking part.

4. The basement.reorg is a disaster right now. It is mocking me as well. Maybe this is the weekend to subdue the clutter and dust and embrace the higher level that my husband subscribes to - the everything- contained-or-thrown-in-a-trash-container concept. I am less-than-proficient at containment.

5. Darby's hair needs a new high dollar treatment. This less-than-cheap need is a burden on my bank account.

6. Roxy is bored...again. I feel mocked by this less-than-accurate depiction of all the members of this house. I refuse to be a jukebox of events for an eight year old. I wish we lived next door to the Duggars, because surely one of them could play with her and be entertaining. It's not my fault that she is bored with the puzzles from the Sunday paper, cuz they suit me just fine.

7. Chipotle should build a location in my neck of the woods. I would be loyal.

8. Laundry is almost done. Now if only I could sort through all the less-than-perfect clothes that are too small for the girls, and the less-than-perfect clothes that are too big for me. I am less-than-proficient at containment, like I mentioned earlier, so boxing up this stuff makes my mind wander.

9. I wonder if I have enough leftover taco meat for a less-than-healthy recipe for our dinner tonight. That would be great.

10. Maybe I need to go to a movie tomorrow. Just me, myself, and I. Time for an escape that includes peace and quiet, surround sound, and less-than-healthy popcorn. Maybe...

A Brainy Beauty and the Brainy Beasts

2010-10-04T13:43:00.000-07:00

My Saturday was spent being a brainy mom. I do not drive my children around to non-stop soccer games, no, I drive my beautiful daughter to an academic contest. And, she rocked.

Darby, who is not into joining or competing in anything, is on an academic bowl team. This did give me pause. I know what it is like when trying to get Darby to perform up to her potential - she balks. But, because of the care and consideration of a beloved teacher, she agreed to be on the academic team. Ten boys and two girls. Darby does not seem to mind this so much, and apparently she does have some competitive bones in her body. Her school performed so well - they go to the regionals this winter, so we will have lots of opportunities to funnel more knowledge into her until then.

After witnessing the academic bowl this weekend, I have a new appreciation for mathletes. You would not believe how hard the math questions were, and they have to be answered in a couple of seconds. There was this one genius that seemed to always get them right, unfortunately he was representing a school from the other side of the county. Darby's team did very well, but I don't think they have Rain Man in their group.

When they would start reading a question that I knew that Darby would know, I would get so anxious for her. I want her to buzz in every time, but she is a little more cautious than that. Thankfully, she did get the opportunity to score some points in language arts. That little chapter she read in the second grade kicked off her success, and since no one else knew it, she accumulated 20 more points. But the ones she missed! AAARGH! These students could use me on their team when it comes to the miscellaneous trivia questions. Based on what happened on Saturday, I am glad I hung a U. S. map in her room in the first grade, I am glad I invested in good, quality literature, and I am glad we read history books out loud on our road trip to Oklahoma, because she used all of these resources for the academic team questions. Darby, you rock.

A Literature Experiment: Darby Franks

2010-09-30T17:14:00.000-07:00

Roxy recently finished this book that I have in my personal home library. The handing down of books in my house is big business, and since Roxy is following the path I paved of reading 1 book every 3 days, I have a lot of recommendations for her. I got an idea from the book that I tried out on my third period class. We are possibly the loudest class in the school, in the loudest period of the day--lunchtime. Not second even to Connections classes (which are like elementary school specials), nobody in my third period even knows how to shut up. Not that I hate them, I have more friends there than any other period. But the skill of being quiet is something all people should know, and all teachers appreciate greatly, of course. My teacher had her doubts when I told her, but she gave me the thumbs-up. I walked up to the class to propose my idea and list the terms and conditions. As soon as I said "Hey, if we don't talk the entire class--" EVERYONE BURST OUT ~~LAUGHING GIGGLING~~ BELLOWING WITH LAUGHTER.True story. It went on like, a minute and a half, straight from a movie. Every single person that was sitting in a desk was doubled over screaming their lungs out. I expected this, so don't assume I went crying back to my desk. Once I said things like "girls vs. guys" and "cupcakes for the winning team" I got their attention. We followed the terms pretty closely: no talking to friends, whispering to friends, or giggling with friends. In fact, no talking at all, unless the teacher calls on you. We had a lead right away: in the first 30 minutes of class, the guys had two points up. That is just sad, people. At lunch, one girl I know well, Jessica, hated me temporarily because I "took her words away." She is one of the noisiest people in class. Bunmi said that it was rigged, but when I asked him how, he couldn't give an example. He was probably just being a sore loser. The Girls won!! I asked if anyone would do it again, and like, 5 people said yes out of the entire class. Oh, well. I got to be a leader, even just for one class. But if I could have pushed it further, I would have done exactly what the kids in the book did: continued it for three weeks and driven all the teachers to madness. Ah, the opportunities...

Je Ne Sais Quoi

2010-09-27T16:15:00.000-07:00

Here are my precious daughters, looking spiffy on a Sunday. The week away from school was wonderful and they were happy and rested and looking forward to getting back to Cognitive Abilities Testing. Yeah right.

On Sunday, we had a meal with some church friends who are just getting to know my daughters. They could not believe that these girls were so trendy, wanting to wear these stylish clothes. And, they could not believe how brave they are about wearing hats. Both girls love their fedoras.

How do you explain quiet, mostly shy girls? Darby, in particular, is a self-conscious and quiet drama queen. Her Daddy tagged her with that nickname in the hospital on the day of her birth. She has no problem with public speaking and being noticed, but she is also very private and sometimes distant because of her 'cognitive abilities'. Wearing a very noticeable hat suits her enigma. Roxy is our Rock Star. She is quiet in public and irritates the tar out of me because she refuses to speak up whenever necessary. But, she can totally emote into something of a show-off when she has an audience and gets wound up, striking funny poses and wearing funky clothes. The funk suits her, as does her rockin' name.

I blame the je ne sais quoi of my daughters on their whole look. With the unconventional hair - Curls Gone Wild - people seem to think they should be a certain way, but then they are truly shy in outer personality, and then they surprise you with the personality that doesn't seem to fit either their look or their mien. So go figure - I don't know what it is, but both are suited perfectly well to each other and to me :)

Road Rules

2010-09-24T17:01:00.000-07:00

We just completed a great road trip back from Oklahoma, which is way too many miles for this momma to drive, but it is what it is. This was probably the best trip ever, as far as travelling goes. No drama for the momma, happy girls that got along and swam and pulled their weight, and lots of visiting with family and friends that left us feeling blessed. Since I have now perfected the 15 hour road trip, I have a list of rules that I will try to always follow:

1. Take the trip in two days. This gal can't drive that long trip in one day.
2. Stay at a hotel/inn that is better than the bottom of the barrel. It costs more, but it is worth the good night's sleep. And, the bedding is better, the towels are better, the breakfast is better, and the HD TV is a treat for me, considering I will never have one of those new-fangled gadgets.
3. Quit driving by 7 p.m. You can relax with the hotel paper while your girls swim in the indoor pool.
4. Avoid fast food whenever possible, except when you see Taco Bueno. We don't have those in my area, and they have always been a favorite of this family.
5. Make one meal ice cream. Lunch or dinner doesn't matter because everyone is happy, and you can follow it up with something healthy to make up for it.
6. Have a book for out-loud reading in the car. Make Darby read it to you. We had more conversations this trip about all sorts of things, spurred by this book that is a comprehensive history of the world. Loved it.
7. When the little one wants to bring lots of stuffed animals, just let her. She is a happier camper with them, no question.
8. Pack at least 25 disks, and cover every genre of music you have listened to since high school. It is amazing how many lyrics you will never forget.
9. Bring all of you Loony Tunes disks. They can even make me laugh up in the front seat, and I can't see a thing.
10. Do not put strict limits on screen time when making a big road trip. It will be okay if Roxy watches all four of the Benji movies in one day - she has nothing better to do, anyway. And, she will still read her book, draw and color, play electronic games, etc.

The United Friends of Roxy's Room

2010-09-14T14:55:00.000-07:00

Roxy and her team of "besties" are back!

Which means, small group is back in session. Our home, being the preacher's house, is clean and ready to rumble. The August hiatus and all the summer entertaining are over and we are back in business with our dedicated families returning for Season 3. And, we have added FIVE families.

Which means, the house may be breaking, the carpet may be on its last legs, and the kids are all right. At least, they will be all right until I find out that they are bouncing on the furniture again, and in that case there will be a kid who is NOT all right.

Which means, it's time for my Captain of Rule Following to lay down the law. This year, she recruited her "besties" to set up the laws with her and sign it like a Constitution.

I am very proud of them. I love a united front that is all about order and respect. This is necessary when five year old girls are in the mix :)

Let's hope that the adults have a great year studying and the kids work out all the issues democratically. And the seventh graders girls do a great job with the babies. And the seventh grade boys don't hack into our wireless Internet code. And that lone five year old boy does not make everyone too crazy. And let's hope Roxy and the Besties are B.F. F.s forever - united by their own, self- governed, pink Pottery Barn-ish room.

Banjo Heroes

2010-09-11T07:32:00.000-07:00

Scott and I had the awesome opportunity to see the Avett Brothers last night in this beautiful part of Atlanta where the money is old, the houses are big, and everyone behaves very well, even when drinking their "beverages".

I was able to talk Scott into going to this show because they feature a banjo in all of their songs. They also use the cello, string bass, and about every other percussive instrument under the sun, which makes the show even better and the music even richer. I like them for numerous reasons, but mostly because they are good ol' Carolina boys that have created their own music and sound and work so hard to make sure that everyone has a good time. And, all of the songs are singable - you can understand all the words, except when they rap like rapid fire. Yes, they rap while strumming the fire out of the banjo and other acoustic instruments. And the entire crowd of mostly twenty-something preppy hipsters wearing their hemp necklaces, cargo shorts, and Jason Mraz hats just bounces along, singing every single word to every single song. It was so fun.

The opening act was so good, too. Brandi Carlile opened and she was very good, very authentic, and enjoyed every minute of being in front of a huge crowd. When she started on the Johnny Cash songs, they all worked really, really well. And she is a girl, which could have been disastrous. We really liked her. She uses the cello in all her songs, too, so she gets bonus points on my rating scale.

Whenever we go to a concert filled with people acting like adults, using clean language, and respecting all the other people there, we know we have got the right music and the right crowd. I will go back for the Avett Brothers - they make you love them and their music.

Seventh Grade Ephemera

2010-09-07T18:15:00.000-07:00

I found many more interesting things in the basement this weekend. The good news is: I found my glass salad bowls in a very small box stored with old financial documents. Go figure.

Then, I found this in another box.

This is a drawing of me in the seventh grade. I was 12 years old and had just gotten glasses. A word of advice to current/future parents out there: get your kid in glasses BEFORE junior high hits, puberty hits, and self-conscious anxiety take over a girl's life. In the seventh grade, I had never felt lower and more down on myself than ever. Entering junior high was tough for me.

But...there was one boy that liked me, and I did not know about it. He drew this picture of me from memory and I managed to find out about it from his cousin, who was a friend. Was I ever kind to this boy? I don't really recall. He was curious about me being a Christian because he did not believe in religion or God or anything so spiritually-based. I was such a good girl - no bad language or bad behavior. Nothing bad at all. I did not know what to do about getting this picture and processing the feelings that came with it. My mom salvaged this picture from me, afraid that I would destroy it. My mom was a smart cookie, because a 12 year old that hates her glasses could wreck this piece of homemade ephemera.

Finding this picture made me empathize with my oldest child, Darby. She is in the seventh grade now. Does she feel as down about herself as I did that year? Is there some boy drawing her picture from memory that she does not know about? Will she regret her hairstyle, like I regret my very 80s hair in this drawing? I hope my daughter feels more confident at 12 than I did. I hope she can recognize the honor of having a boy like her, because I do not think I recognized it very well. Maybe it was because he did not believe in God - that was a definite turn-off in my books back then as well as now.

My husband has been teasing me about this picture for a couple of days now. I would like to point out: no one drew him when he was 12.

My Personal Unholiday

2010-09-05T11:05:00.000-07:00

If I lived in the central timezone, or at least a state in the general vicinity of Oklahoma, I would be enjoying my family, my extended family, and my extended family once removed. But, alas, there is no family reunion for me (again) this year and I am attempting to cope.

Ho Hum.

I rented a movie. That was okay.

I went to the Square and saw lots and lots of art on a spectacular day. Weather was great, art was fun, then it was over.

I ate Colombian food. I liked most of it and I liked all of the sauces. That was okay.

I proceeded to clean the basement. The Pit of Despair has been trying the patience of my husband these days. I must return to the basement (again), but some progress has been made. That is okay.

I caved in and broke a diet rule and had ice cream. I never have ice cream anymore, but the Chocolate Raspberry Truffle-sized hole in my stomach needed to be filled.

I looked at Roxy's baby photos and cried.

I am now on a path of self-sabotage. Ice cream and baby photos are making me weak. What else can I do to fill the family reunion hole in my weekend?

Roxy's solution: The American Girl Store. Yep. When all else fails, spend money in egregious ways so the guilt of overspending consumes the guilt of missing the fam.

Now, I'm off to work out twice as hard so as to counter balance the ice cream and baby pictures I might encounter again today...

Diss'd in the Malibu

2010-08-26T14:43:00.000-07:00

I have been seeing my old car in numerous places these days. The Malibu Chevelle is making a comeback!

I have seen it featured in all the advertising of the show, Memphis Beat, That show has been on cable this summer so often, and his car is also the original color of my old car. It is also in the movie, The Other Guys. I've even seen it on the streets of the Atlanta area.

Every time I see it, I have to smile. It was the car on which I learned to drive. No power steering, practically no air, regular gasoline, it could easily seat six ( which would happen once I was in college.) I never wanted to drive it to school because these guys would look at it, and they were not the guys I felt comfortable looking at, much less joining in their conversation. But once I went to college, it became a thing of character for me.

It built my character on a regular basis. I broke down in the car all over the place. It once stopped running due to extreme cold, leaving me stranded out in rural Oklahoma where the block froze on it and it ruined all the houseplants I was "babysitting" over Christmas break. It was never a thing of beauty until we had it painted I-ROC blue, which is my favorite cobalt-type color, and then the guys remembered the girl in that old car. I would get phone numbers left on the car, from guys that noticed me in it and wanted me to call them. I would get notes about how they loved my car. They probably wanted to buy it, but it made me feel appreciated anyway.

So now, I find myself sentimental about my old car and my 20 year old self and all the friends I drove around in the car. Those were the days...

And a 1, and a 2

2010-08-25T15:03:00.000-07:00

So, my girl is a big 1-2. Twelve years ago, after great anticipation, we brought the little thing home today and reality set in - what on God's green earth were we going to do with her? She had already had a showdown with her daddy on day one, where she gave him the stink eye at 2 a.m. and wailed her lungs off (and I lay passed out from birth exhaustion and heard not a word.) And, she had a massive amount of unmanageable curls and she was a night owl who slept significantly less than every infant mentioned in every doctor's publication, birthing book, and parenting magazine.

We soon discovered that yes, some things you learn about your child on day one will last a lifetime, or at least through year 12 and beyond. Scott and I soon learned that this girl would amaze us, leave us baffled and speechless, and think far, far deeper thoughts and have far, far greater understanding of numerous subjects than we could even imagine. And she is so photogenic, she rules every photo she is in.

But as for the curly hair, it is still unmanageable, but with massive amounts of money, even straight hair is possible...for a day...Happy birthday to my amazing daughter.

The Perks of Dog Ownership

2010-08-19T13:00:00.000-07:00

Roxy was emotionally ready to take the dog back, but when we refused to keep the kennel for her to play in, I was worried about her losing it. On the other hand, I was not emotionally ready to continually find my daughter camped out in the dog's kennel. So glad to have moved on. Now, if only she would not act like a dog...

Say Hello/Goodbye to the Dog

2010-08-17T15:57:00.000-07:00

Introducing our newly departed family pet - Biscuits Johanson, a rescue Shih Tzu that was fully potty trained, not a picky eater, took little naps at your feet, loved to walk, practically never barked, loved to play ball, never shed a hair, and fulfilled Roxy's dreams of owning a dog.

For about a week, I should say.

The dog was a good dog, would stay in his kennel when needed, and absolutely loved our Alpha Male, Scott. Scott would have preferred a less prissy-type dog, but oh well. Roxy chose Biscuits, the entire family approved, but after three days Roxy just could not cope with having a dog in the house. This dog is a true companion and loved having people around, but suddenly the role of owner because a little difficult for the Rock Star. It was her dog, her responsibility, but her fears and sensory issues won out in the battle of Child versus Dog. Roxy did not like the dog rubbing against her legs, she didn't know how to react when the dog got excited, and she never got comfortable picking up the dog and grooming the dog. Too much fear.

Scott and I kept our commitment to her and we got her a dog. We were good dutiful parents. And now, Biscuits is happily back a resident of the "Hotel for Dogs" in Atlanta. And we got a refund. Whew!

The Cousin Photo

2010-08-13T12:51:00.000-07:00

It was almost like a mirage - all the cousins, together, for approximately 10 seconds. Too bad we can't figure out how to get them looking all the same direction. We did not have any bribes/currency with us, which explains the lack of focus issue. Sigh.

Strange Statue

2010-08-09T13:19:00.000-07:00

There is a beautiful yet strange statue that stands in Chattanooga, TN. When I saw it a few weeks ago, I remembered that I always found it funny - the statue looks like it needs to go to the bathroom. So, because we were celebrating my birthday, I managed to talk my daughters into standing beside it for a photo. They know that I love statues and can get very fixated on taking photos of them, with them imitating the statue's pose. This thing I have with statues - beautiful yet strange as well. Based on the attached photo, this may be the last time a statue photo takes place - ever again. Poor me :(

The Mountaintop Experience

2010-08-07T19:49:00.000-07:00

...that is, the Montana experience. This is why I did not post for a couple of weeks - I was too busy breathing the thin, cool Montana air. I spent a couple of hours laying on a huge flat boulder, resting by a crystal clear lake, looking at the huge Montana sky, listening to my daughters catch a bunch of brook trout, getting eaten alive by mosquitoes. I read seven novels over the course of two weeks. I walked twice a day through a small town. I saw three movies. I saw the prettiest parts of Yellowstone, plus lots of wild animals. I rested. I hiked. I thought I was going to die, hiking back from that fishing trip, but I didn't. I gained no weight. I shopped my absolute, number one favorite downtown Main Street AND my husband came with me. He bought me polenta with the luscious sauce and asparagus for my date night meal. I saw a lot of cowboy boots, snow, baby piglets, Harleys, and wildflowers. I was not a preacher's wife for two weeks.

Mission accomplished.

Say Hello to the School Girls

2010-08-05T13:51:00.000-07:00

No angst this morning, just two pretty girls with lots of hopes and dreams. Roxy came home with hopes and dreams intact. But Darby, well, we'll see how middle school treated her...

Adios, Kitty.

2010-07-10T07:44:00.000-07:00

Her time has come to be a ward of the animal shelter. The tiny kitten that adopted our family is no longer a Franks. After feeding the cat for a couple of weeks, we determined that a stray kitty is not a good fit for out family. Everything we had been told led us to believe that a cat would be independent, would prowl, would be curious. But not this precious one - she was a lap dog with no will to do anything but beg for us to come out and see her. There was not enough attention for this little kitty, who kept right by the window all day and all night. And we were sure that this cat would be a domestic nightmare, so inside would not do. Roxy so desperately wants a dog, and she was the one who wanted us to call the Animal Cops to rescue this kitty, so the delivery was made yesterday. Roxy returned very emotional, having seen all the dogs at the shelter and being entirely freaked out about the number of large pit bulls there. Will the dog be a part of her near future? We'll see. Scott is going to take Roxy to the pet store today (her tears softened him up quite a bit!)

Mother's Helper

2010-07-08T13:17:00.000-07:00

My oldest daughter has had a little adventure in babysitting this week. Darby is very, very taken with babies and loves to hold them. Mind you, she did not feel this way when she was three and had an actual baby sister, but I am thrilled for the reversal of opinion. Yesterday, as a mother's helper, she was the entertaining child care director for some children from church with whom we have spent lots of time. Darby got to feed the baby, play with the baby, rock the baby, help out the other little kids, and then came The Big Event in the baby's diaper.

Darby's actual experience with diapers is limited, but she has the basics down. There is no instruction on how to change a colossal load when the baby is very, very squirmy and restless during diaper changing time. The mother, who was meeting some people in another part of the building at this very moment, could not be there for the Big Event, but boy, she sure heard about it from her other children.

Darby had two child helpers, so she starts to change the baby when all three of them discovered that the baby had numerous tactical maneuvers they had never seen. Darby hands the baby a toy to occupy him during changing time, which he promptly plunges into his Big Event. And now the three girls discover that the baby has advanced tactical maneuvers they have never seen before. Out of the blue, Darby realizes that there is a sink right next to her and gets the baby into the sink where they proceed to wash the Big Event off of all the baby parts and big girls parts and all other parts sacrificed in this mission. And the mother, having been alerted of the def con 1 level Big Event, comes back to see her baby enjoying his impromptu bath in a foul, malodorous room.

Darby survived the Big Event, no one was hurt in the mission, and she was so excited to collect a payday for the biggest poopy diaper she had never seen before. Good job, Dar. You have never really lived until a baby has defeated you, humiliated you, and then made you smile right afterward. I am glad you had this parenting lesson - thank you Lord for baby wipes!

Lake...Big Lake

2010-07-06T18:48:00.000-07:00

We spent the day on the lake and the whole family had a good time. Darby and Roxy got to go tubing, and it was fun for both of them, although we were going slow enough for old ladies pushing walkers to pass us. But thankfully, this experience wiped out the previous disastrous experience Darby had with the youth group earlier this summer. What a relief.

Probably our favorite thing to do was swim in the lake and tour around, checking out all the boats and beaches. Scott attempted to wake board, but I had to make an executive decision to refrain from posting the photos. I love you too much, babe. There is no photo that can truly show the pain and suffering he is feeling today in his back, in his wrist, in his other sore body parts. Wake boarding is not like riding a bike - you can actually forget how to do it.

For me, it was good to spend the day with family and friends. That was just what I needed this past weekend. God is good.

Red, White, and The Blues

2010-07-03T08:39:00.000-07:00

I like pretty much everything about the fourth of July. The colors, the vision of flags and patriotic bunting decorating Marietta Square, the get togethers with family and friends. But this year is a tough one for me.

No family.

No parade. And I love a parade. I love the Marietta parade on the Square, which Scott hates. I love the Livingston MT parade and the rodeo, but we are missing those as well.

No friends - our friends took off this morning.

No fireworks. We were so tired after the Braves game last night (which ran into 11 innings) that we came home before the big show.

No Kitchen Aid mixer. The Pioneer Woman was FINALLY giving away the mixer in MY color, Old Glory Blue, and I didn't get it. Of course.

No food. I must be good. With our friends, we went to Pappasito's, which is fabuloso, and I had my splurge meal last night, so I must be good for the next 4-5 days to make up for the Mexican decadence that I never allow myself.

No energy. After a week of Camp Hickory, our church VBS event, the girls and I are completely pooped.

I have to console myself with the sale at the LOFT and the redneck pool. At least I have moved down a pant size.

A Lesson Before Dying - from Heatstroke

2010-06-26T16:30:00.000-07:00

Well, today was the garage sale. The girls were excited, Scott was motivate to eliminate junk, and I was just hopeful we would make $200, because then it would all be worth it. But no.

We got rid of a few things, but nothing really significant where we were thrilled to have gone to all the effort of this sale. We spent some quality time with the neighbors, which was good. As we sat around in the heat, playing cards that lost their stiffness due to the Georgia humidity, we learned quite a few things:

1. Posting the garage sale listing on Craig's List was useless. There were over 600 garage sale listings for just the Atlanta North section, and there is no way anyone would have been able to recognize the sale at our neighborhood.

2. Small prices rule. Anything of any quality, like the items my neighbors had, should just get auctioned on ebay.

3. There are not enough hoarders in my neck of the woods.

4. It is always humiliating when garage sale shoppers by a treasure just so their dogs can snuggle with it, and it was a treasure that your child would cling to because they loved it.

5. Making the list of donated items for the charity truck is very annoying and time consuming and it is a determent for us good people looking for a tax deduction.

6. We won't be having another garage sale, at least in this neighborhood, in this heat. Yuck.

But the good news - the kitten came back and is purring at Roxy's feet. Scott is ecstatic, let me tell ya :)

What Scott Fears Most

2010-06-24T17:04:00.000-07:00

When I say fear, I mean the feeling of dread, anxiety, regret, and an encounter with animal excrement...

This week, Scott started feeding a stray kitten that showed up on our front porch. He fed it some of my homemade herb roasted chicken and some grilled squash and other items. And for about three days it seemed that Roxy would get a pet, although not exactly the variety that she had hoped for, but an animal all the same.

I mentioned to Scott that we should probably take the kitten to get checked because I thought the girls would want to touch it (Roxy is calling it "Lucky"). But now the kitten is gone, the food bowls are gone, and I am getting suspicious of Scott. Where did the kitten adios to? Did the threat of expense cause that kitty to go on a visit to a country farm?

At least for Scott, we never had to deal with a scenario like the picture attached above...

A Sister's Love, With Guilt

2010-06-22T17:55:00.000-07:00

The daughters of this house truly love each other and get along a significant portion of the time. But when the Big One starts growing up and spreading her wings, the Little One gets uncomfortable and protective and suspicious of just about everything. The Big One is excited, the Little One finds it all unfair. What's in it for her, anyway? Who can be happy when the Big One is at camp? On one level, this Momma agrees with the Little One, but knows that the Big One needs some Big Experience away from the Little One. So, the Little One prays that the Big One is combing her hair, is resting, is having a good time, and the Little One tortures me with her loneliness. Sigh.

The following art piece was created the day that the Big One came home from camp (an hour and a half late, as the Little One likes to remind me.) Her feelings are just all out there, apparent for everyone, and now make a timeless keepsake that I have salvaged from the Big One, who was a little freaked out by the Little Ones honesty. Sigh again. When the Big One goes to camp again, we will be medicating the Little One so the Momma does not lose it. Again. Sigh.

More Flyers Gone Wild

2010-06-19T12:21:00.000-07:00

I have become almost immune to the fliers that come in my mailbox now that I live in Georgia. We have seen it all - magazines of mugshots of people that have recently been arrested, fliers for bargain funeral services, and of course the missiles that end up on my driveway (a plastic bag of rocks with an advertisement for stump removal, etc.) But today's flier was a shocker for me - who knew that fireworks companies could afford mass mail outs in Atlanta. For this particular stand, you have to drive to South Carolina to get them. I guess when you are competing with the 24 hour fireworks stands in Tennessee and Alabama, you have to take drastic measures...

Another thought: should I clip the coupons that came on the flyer? You get $90 worth of 500 gram repeaters when you spend $149 dollars at the store. Is this the deal of the century? Or should I just take $239 dollars and set it on fire? Same difference, I think.

My Grandma

2010-06-16T11:18:00.000-07:00

I received a notice today recognizing that June 16th would have been my Grandma Sara Alfatine Davis' 103rd birthday. People called her "Tiny". She passed away years ago when I was seven or eight. I love this old picture and have been thinking about Arkansas a lot this week because she lived in the area where there was massive flooding. The news people keep trying to explain how remote the area is, and it is incredibly remote, tucked away from everything. My cousin Robert is in the background on the porch. Grandma Davis had 11 kids and more grand kids than I can count (but I can name them, if challenged by one of my Davis cousins. !)

It has been twelve years since I have visited that area. My grandma's house was still standing then, but just barely. It has fallen in on itself since then. I was so young when we would make our visits to Arkansas, but I have a few memories of her (my grandpa had died quite some time before I was born, so there are no memories of him.)

Breakfasts were huge at Grandma's house. Gravy was served every morning, probably. I would sleep in a bedroom off the kitchen and waking up to some comforting smells of sausage and biscuits and the sounds of the screen door banging. Along one side of the kitchen were shelves lined with canned fruits and vegetables. It was always organic, all the time, when everything comes from your own back yard. I remember going out to get fresh eggs and being nervous about whether or not the chickens would be mean to me. Her barn was very big, or so I thought, and I remember the smell of the hay and the animals. There were morning glories on the well, but I would not go near it because it was not something to be playing around, under any circumstances. I remember my grandma checking my back for ticks (this is a remote area in Arkansas, you know) and I remember the pink tile in the old bathroom. I never had the privilege of visiting her outhouse, but my sister did. And, I never saw how my Grandma would catch a chicken and break its neck so we could have our fried chicken dinner. Thanks, mom, for sparing me that experience :) Once, we accidentally knocked over a jar of Grandma's pickles on our Lego's, and this one huge foundation piece smelled like pickles for a while. My favorite thing at Grandma Davis' house was a picture on the wall of an apple tree with the names and birth dates of everyone in the family. I know someone has that and I think they are lucky.

I liked her front porch swing a lot, and because of my Grandma, I want a front porch with a swing more than anything. When I moved to Georgia two years ago, I tried and tried to find a house in our price range with a covered front porch. We looked at one house, which was a good one, but the house across the street had a covered front porch and I knew there was no way I wanted to look at something I wanted so much but couldn't have - and it being my neighbor's house, right across the street. I eliminated that house for that factor alone. At Grandma's house, the truckers would be driving down the state highway that ran in front, and you could wave to them and they would always give you a toot on the horn.

I also remember swimming in the creek and the Blue Hole. Roxie's house was in front of the Blue Hole. That was when I first heard that name, and I guess it must have remained a favorite since I chose it for my daughter. I remember taking shampoo down there with my cousins Holly and Laurie and washing our hair because the Blue Hole had such clean water. There was a rope hung on a tree branch where you could swing out and drop in the water. I remember my brother doing that, but I know I would not go into such deep water, which suited my mom just fine. The creek where we would swim flooded this past week.

I think it would be great if my grandchildren would remember me on my 103rd birthday. Maybe, if I can learn to stick with it, I will have a cabinet full of hand made quilts, like my grandma had, and my grandkids will have that piece of heritage to pass on to their children.

Blueberries for Scottie

2010-06-15T08:45:00.000-07:00

It all started with a gift card to a garden center. Scott purchased something that he dreamed about - blueberry bushes. My husband is a man of basic needs and simple tastes :)

From that initial purchase, one year later he started to see results: five perfect blueberries. We will get more, but first pick was a little slim.

So, Scott decides that we must go back to the orchard and get more berries. Roxy and I agreed because we are both fanatics for picking fruit, and then we came back with a significant haul. Cherries and blueberries fill our home now. They are gorgeous and juicy - we look like we are bleeding as we eat the cherries because they are so rich, so ripe, so juicy.

And now, I must boldly go where this wife has not successfully gone before - I will make pie crust, and it will work, and it will be wonderful. I repeat this to myself over and over, because I have failed at pie crust in years past and would rather not make colossal messes for no good reason.

Everything is wonderful as far as the cobbler and pies are concerned (I did not lattice my crust due to the vulnerability of the crust, but is looked good anyway. My husband could not be prouder. Momma like.

Let It Grow, Let It Grow

2010-06-12T07:38:00.000-07:00

I think of that Eric Clapton song, 'Let It Grow", when I look around the yard. Scott has been experimenting with various plants and projects, and we have been the grateful recipients of free plants for our shady backyard. And now, after daily thunderstorms and lots of luck, we have some good things coming back to us. And, thanks to my husband's loneliness of a week without me, I have an herb garden. Yeah, he missed me :)

The Movie Palace with The Mom

2010-06-08T06:46:00.000-07:00

This weekend we took the girls to see a movie at the Fox Theater in downtown Atlanta. It is one of three "movie palaces" in the United States, where on a regular basis you can see movies in an enormous theater that also serves as a venue for concerts, Broadway musicals, etc. We went to "The Wizard of Oz" and there were thousands of people there, which is a pretty fun experience.

First off, we snapped a photo with the theater greeter. He is the best greeter in the whole wide world and Wal-Mart and Cracker Barrel could learn a lot from him. You feel like you have come to the best place on earth after you meet this guy. Then, you go inside and tour the place which is historic and architecturally incredible and opulent and exciting. Inside the theater, they show you how special the place really is, with an antique pipe organ that has so many bells and whistles it makes you smile. An old man in a white tuxedo plays old timey songs for a sing-a-long, the kind of stuff I learned by watching Bugs Bunny cartoons. Everyone sings along and claps and it is very sweet and very corny, but very personal. At this point in our afternoon, I'm smiling and getting silly and Scott says to the girls, "Look, you mother is turning into Granny." In other words, The Mom is emerging. I am doing The Mom, as my brother and I would always say when we were kids and our mom would start to embarrass us with her unique behaviors. So Roxy gives me a kiss and all is well.

The sing-a-long is followed by old newsreels from the 1930s and old Mickey Mouse cartoons, and it is all enjoyable with the audience going along with everything. When the movie starts, everyone continues to interact with the movie, cheering for Dorothy, clapping when the witch gets melted, cheering for the Lion, and singing with the music.

There is a real phantom at the Fox - there is an old man that has lived there since the 1960s and keeps the pipe organ fixed and is the official caretaker of the Fox Theater. I think that is pretty cool that they tell you all about the history of the place - they even show all the movie stars coming to the screening of "Gone With the Wind" when it premiered there in the 1932 or whatever year that was. But, I digress...

Even before the movie started, probably when we were singing along to "Ain't She Sweet", I knew that my mom should have been here with us. She would love the Fox and singing along and clapping with the girls and me.

Today's Smiles

2010-06-06T17:07:00.000-07:00

1. Someone noticed that I have lost some weight :)
2. Roxy let me put fun buns in her hair, and I love fun buns :)
3. Darby is excited about being in the youth group - FINALLY :)
4. It's Sunday and we have lots of good, free things to do this week :)
5. At church, I listened to Wynelle Main tell the story of how her family came to Christ :)
6. At church, I sang "Mighty to Save" and it made me tear up which is a good thing :)
7. I figured out that two years ago we moved into this house sight unseen, and I like my house :)
8. Dimples was working at the Publix deli counter, and seeing Dimples always makes my day :)
9. I teased Scott about seeing Dimples and offered to introduce him, but he declined that offer - plus the offer of introducing him to the Fish Lady who is...sigh...not as cute as Dimples :)
10. I worked out without back pain - I am no longer a cripple :)
11. I made homemade pizza with prosciutto and red pepper and onion and mango, and it rocked :) Thanks, Dimples, for the prosciutto :)

When I think about it, I had many, many more things to smile about today. I am happy that this is the day the Lord has made and that I could rejoice and be glad in it - all day long :)

The Mom - by Roxy

2010-06-05T05:55:00.000-07:00

My daughter Roxy made me a special book at school and read it to the crowd of mothers that gathered for the Mother's Day tea. My portrait, painted by Roxy, was on display for all to see. I was a very proud, slightly anxious momma. I had not previewed this book and had no idea what she had written. Secrets were revealed this day about what moms really like to do, where they like to go, and their online gambling habits, Facebook habits, and night life were made known. OUCH!

I was very proud of my painting, but it is too large to scan and share with the world :(. I must admit that Roxy is the most talented artist in her class - my picture was definitely a modern impressionistic work, but at least I did not have an enormous bubble head and scary shark-like teeth and two strands on hair that lay on each side of my head. I looked cool.

So, here are a few excerpts from my book. And everything represented is true, so she presented as The Mom I really am.

That's Good! That's Bad!

2010-06-03T08:17:00.000-07:00

So, you're back from your trip to Oklahoma - that's good!

No, that's bad! We are very tired from driving.

No, that's good! We had no problems with our roadtrip.

No, that's bad! My back is killing me and I think it is because of sitting in the car for too long.

No, that's good! I didn't have to start unpacking because I can't bend over.

No, that's bad! Dirty laundry is everywhere and the house will be destroyed.

No, that's good! Scott is here to pick up the things I can't lift.

No, that's bad! The first laundry basket just about did my back in.

No, that's good! It reminded me to lie down on the floor and do my stretching exercises.

No, that's bad! I can't get up now.

No, that's good! The remote control is down here by me and I have about 20 shows to watch on my DVR.

No, that's bad! I may be lying here all day.

No, that's good! I stretched enough to manage to get up again.

No, that's bad! Now I'm upstairs and can't find something I need from downstairs.

No, that's good! I can sit at the computer and type with a tight back.

No, that's bad! I've got to get to the grocery store...sometime today.

No, that's good! Maybe now I'll qualify as handicapped and get good parking and one of those electric carts for driving around the store, like the ones they have at Target and theme parks and such.

No, that's bad! There is no way that little basket will hold all the groceries I need.

No, that's good! I'm on a diet anyway.

No, that's bad! My children are on the brink of starvation and the Mom is a cripple. And I have started quoting Endigo Montoya from "The Princess Bride".

No, that's good! I love that movie!

No, that's bad! I have listened to that movie on the car ride entirely too often.

No, that's good! The ability to quote movies is my trademark.

No, that's bad! Once you start quoting movies, you can never stop. And it's time to meet your husband for lunch.

No, that's good! That is better than good! You don't have to cook and your husband is buying - that is great!

Little Herpetarium of Horrors

2010-05-28T17:51:00.000-07:00

Objective: to freak out Aunt Jamie

The Location: the Herpetarium

Mission: Accomplished

I woke up yesterday with a whole morning and afternoon of unscheduled time. What should I do? I convinced Roxy that we really needed to take Aunt Jamie to the zoo, just to see what she would do in the herpetarium. There are many foul things at the zoo, but in my opinion the snake house ranks at the very top. Roxy was intrigued by my agenda, so she agreed and off we went. Jamie did not get to vote on this - she just had to spend the day with us, no matter what. I thought I was up to the challenge, but alas...

So, the zoo is full of noises, peoples, and smells, but there is a really unique aroma to the herpetarium. Not the animal poo smell, or the pachyderm smell, and you are indoors in a dark house with lots of corridors and everything is very, very quiet. Until we get in there.

A fear of snakes is a long standing tradition in my family. My grandmother would not even say the word "snake", but would refer to them as "one of those things." She had to give up watching Little House on the Prairie because of the sudden emergence of snakes - on a weekly basis. I happen to know that the snake house will be a real challenge for my sister and a challenge for me as well. So begins our journey...

We got off to a good start, the murmurs of "oh gross" were mild and the snakes were not too disgusting. Some of them are even pretty. And then you start seeing the snakes that are all tangled up with each other, and that is pretty nasty. And then you see some snake rising up, slithering, and you know that it is the devil. We start walking through the corridors rapidly because the snakes are getting a little bigger.

We finally hit the home stretch - just two more hallways to go. And then you find yourself up against the glass with the biggest snake you have ever seen and it stinks and it is moving. Now the Davis girls are gagging. And the next snake has a giant lump in the middle of it, where it is probably digesting some small possum or a family of squirrels. And now the Davis girls are covering their eyes with their hands due to the enormity of the creature straight out of Harry Potter. And then as you make the last turn, you see a snake that has a diameter about the size of your own waist. And both Davis girls are running out of the building, as we hear Roxy in the background saying, "Oh, isn't it cute!"

We Davis girls have failed the Herpetarium of Horrors, but we did accomplish the mission of freaking out Aunt Jamie. And me. We have no pictures to commemorate this event, but we laughed so hard we cried.

Funny Meeting You Here...

2010-05-27T12:53:00.000-07:00

Out with my girls today, I ran into my first grade teacher. I have not seen this woman in 33 years. I introduced her to my kids and discovered that her grandchildren are the age of my children. It is a very strange experience to meet someone that had such a huge influence on you - 33 years ago. I hope my children will have the opportunity to appreciate their previous teachers and will get to introduce their kids to them. I hope and pray that I will be able to meet up with some of the kids I have taught in Bible classes and I will see them as beautiful, mature, Christian adults. Meeting my teacher today made me remember that the sacrifices I make trying to establish relationships with children and other people is never a waste of time, never a useless effort. It is a moment in time that builds the ones to come, and I hope I can keep that in mind as I work tirelessly in all my efforts.

Hangin' On the Square

2010-05-21T14:06:00.000-07:00

Have I mentioned how much I love the Square? Downtown Marietta has such a beautiful square with every kind of restaurant and dessert you can name, not to mention unique shops for gift, antiques, live theater, a weekly Farmer's Market, art studios, the Gone With the Wind museum, and the Strand, an old restored theater where you can watch old monster movies or the original Jaws or various special performances. I feel happy and relaxed just being on the Square and I look forward to spending time with the girls on the square this summer.

Stop! Panic Time

2010-05-19T10:54:00.000-07:00

My concerns are growing - my concerns over another summer vacation with my two girls. As the primary domestician, I get all the drama, all day, every channel. And the girls will be out of school soon. I can hear a faint bomb ticking ...

I am ready for a break from the school year. We are all weary of the routine and we need a refreshing vacation. But summer provides SO much togetherness. I'm not entirely sure we can take it.

So I am making my list of priorities for this summer for the girls, lots of time-killers that will be gentle on the bank account, or credit card, or whatever means we will resort to as a diversion from SO much togetherness.

1. Find some learning experiences for the girls. They are commonly called "camps". We have one picked out for Dar and we need to find more, especially for Roxy. Not the sleep-away kind for her, just something that she will enjoy that will give us a break from her.

2. Find more swimming options. Without a neighborhood pool, you have to get very creative in Georgia. And I prefer outdoor swimming so my white skin doesn't glow like a lantern.

3. Get some playdates for Roxy - out of my house. She is a playdate queen and she usually has at least one playdate away from home each week, but then she has two or three playdates here at this house. I love company, I love her friends, but Darby and I need more quiet time than Roxy does - she likes no moments of siilence.

4. Beat Roxy at any and every game. She has the uncanny ability to always win. When I had a Wii dance-off with her, she pummelled me at the Hammer dance. That was humiliating. And I won't get into how often I lose at cards to her.

5. Keep Darby out of the kitchen and/or keep her in the kitchen through the cleanup portion of the cooking event. Last summer she made things ALL the time - smoothies, desserts, meals, etc. And her stuff is good. But she never cleans and she makes three times the mess I do. Her ability to evaporate like a mist is pretty amazing - and it always coincides with a giant kitchen mess.

My goals are simple and few. I am gearing up for these challenges now, before all the sisterly fussing starts, before Roxy says she is bored, and before Darby starts acting like a teenage girl.

When Grandparents Attack

2010-05-18T07:23:00.000-07:00

I found these pictures on the camera yesterday. It has been a while since I uploaded anything. All these shots are making me think about when we invade their terrain this summer...

We really enjoy having company and spending time with our family. The grandparents leave their mark on us in wonderful ways: projects, yard work, cinnamon rolls in the oven, and even bouncing on the trampoline. When the granddaughters attack this summer, I hope they appreciate it as much as we appreciated their maneuvers on our house!

The Coupon Mom

2010-05-10T13:20:00.000-07:00

Apparently my addiction to coupons led my girls to the perfect, no cost Mother's Day gift - coupons! My daughters collaborated on their ideas for coupons for me - things they can do for me. Isn't that great! Here are the coupons I received:

two free hugs - one from Darby, one from Roxy
two free kisses - one from each daughter
two nights of drama-free homework - one from each daughter
two free clean rooms
one night of no dish duty
one night of private TV watching
one night of Darby sitting in the back seat
two stress-free school mornings
one day of my choice of music in the car
one game night
one night of no complaints

There was a spirited debate on whether or not to include the night of no dish duty. I chose to cash that one in last night after the girls baked cupcakes for the middle school bake sale - and cleaned up nothing in the kitchen. I retreated to my night of private TV watching and pretended that everything was OK, that the girls did not use my pretty tea towel to wipe up chocolate cake batter that they poured down the side of the stove (the crack between the stove and the cabinet), and that my husband would not be mad when he came in and saw the huge mess.

Well, the last part of that plan failed.

Over the course of the year I intend to get 365 free hugs, 365 free kisses, 365 nights of free dish duty (these girls have got to earn the keep, ya know), 365 nights of no complaints (talk to the hand, girls), 365 stress-free school mornings (everyone can read a clock now, I'm sure of it), and 365 clean rooms (they can talk to the hand about this one, too.) I will negotiate on the car music from time to time, but momma don't do techno. And even though my coupon was for only one night of TV all to myself, I'm editing that one to read "one night a week" so Scott and I can have a Community date all to ourselves. I am a coupon mom and I know how to stretch these suckers out to my advantage...

Momma Like Date Night

2010-05-08T13:24:00.000-07:00

You know it must be Mother's Day when my husband takes me to a concert. Concerts just aren't his thing, but he knows that I love big events like that, I love loud music, and I love getting to do something I want to do. So we went to see Van Morrison last night. And I ate at La Madeline, so my tummy is happy and I checked one more musician off my concert bucket list.

Van has been recording for almost forever, which means 50 years in real terms. In the 60s, he looked like Charles Manson. Now, he resembles Jack Nicholson. For an old man, he is really on his game. The singing was excellent, the musicality was very good, and the crowd for an old man like Van was just as huge as any other big, current name in music.

Scott likes Van, if for no other reason than he starts on time and does not waste any time talking to the audience, pandering for applause. The crowd was a curious collection of young and old, preppy and dred locked, almost all of them wearing comfortable shoes. Scott was one of two people in the whole theater that had his shirt tucked in to his jeans. My prim and proper husband was outnumbered. And no cameras allowed at this venue - we watched stupid women trying to record him and then get bounced by large security men. As a rule follower, I definitely approve. But a picture would have been nice :)

The problem I had this particular evening was that Van has so many songs and so many albums, you could not possibly know what all he would sing. I did not even know half of his songs, and I have nine Van Morrison albums. And he did not play my favorite song. Should I be disappointed? It's tough to say that I am, because he couldn't possibly play them all. But next time - if there is a next time - he better play "Into the Mystic."

Park Your Biscuit Here

2010-05-06T16:40:00.000-07:00

When we have company, we like to take them to a little biscuit shack for a good ol' southern treat. If you come, I promise I will take you there. I love their biscuits too much. And if you come, the girls will sit on the front porch with you and rock and have a sody pop. And if you are lucky, the bluegrass band will be there at 7 a.m. for your entertainment. All this may sound a little odd and outdated, but somehow these precious moments just work for Georgia. And it all makes me smile :)

Playing Hooky

2010-05-03T13:45:00.000-07:00

Since I rarely allow my kids to miss one moment of school, Friday was like Spring Break for my girls. We chose to spend a glorious day with the grandparents in a luscious part of Georgia. Callaway Gardens was a beautiful day trip and we will definitely go back. It is really nice to have quality time together with the whole family - before the mosquitoes come out of hibernation. We loved the horticulture center, the butterfly house, the Birds of Prey show, the lakes, the beach, the chapel, which means we liked pretty much all of it.

Practically Perfect In Every Way

2010-04-30T19:03:00.000-07:00

With my in-laws in-town, we wanted to show them just how big and intimidating Atlanta can be. So we got opening night tickets for Mary Poppins, a Broadway musical premiering at the Fabulous Fox Theater. My girls were so excited to wear their fancy dresses and get some live theater on a school night, and they looked beautiful.

The Theater is really something special. It was a Shriner's auditorium way back in the beginning and it has an Indian-inspired theme with is very opulent and exotic. It is served by hundreds of volunteer ushers, all impeccably dressed, including one master of the house that looks spectacular as he greets people out front. He reminds me of a ringmaster at the circus.

Circus is a good word to describe downtown Atlanta during rush hour and opening night. Few things compare to the lunacy of Atlanta construction, the multiple streets named Peachtree, and all the general chaos of finding not-so-outlandish parking rates in Atlanta. But we did manage to do okay, other than the fact that I did not get the photos I wanted of my daughters in the theater. There was no time left, various family members went AWOL, some family members did not have their tickets or set their tickets down someplace inappropriate, and then there was the line for the ladies' room. Sigh.

As for the show, it was enchanting. Most of the songs were in the Disney movie, but good songs were added to make the stage story complete. They embraced many tricks with the stage and lighting and props, making Mary Poppins as magical as she was on film. I absolutely adore the Dick Van Dyke version of Burt, and the actor in the live show was so fabulous I would see the show again just because of him. The performance of "Step In Time" is the highlight, with a team of tap dancing chimney sweeps that were absolutely, incredibly precise and fun. The girls were blown away. I was too, if you couldn't tell. I want to go back to the Fox again and again.

My Liz Lemon Life

2010-04-26T16:43:00.000-07:00

Something comedic is conspiring against me - week after week after week. I continually see a reflection of my life, my character, my personality - in Liz Lemon. Liz Lemon is Tina Fey's character on 30 Rock, a somewhat dark-ish comedy that I happen to follow and would recommend to people who appreciate off-beat personalities and can overlook some very inappropriate behavior. The dialogue is very quick, which is a trademark of shows that I really enjoy. The jokes are funny because they are true, and I can attest to exactly how true they are.

I never noticed the similarities until some random people commented on my likeness to Sarah Palin, primarily because I have the same color and length of hair, almost the same glasses, but that's about it. Anyway, that triggered a reference to Tina Fey's portrayal of Mrs. Palin, and I started watching her show, 30 Rock, more closely.

And now, the character of Liz Lemon seems to be mimicking me. This is a pathetic thing and not a compliment. Liz has a lot of issues, most of which I happen to share. To be completely honest, it is her issues that make her lovable and adorable and remarkable. Her wearing of glasses, her lack of a social life, her wardrobe, her attempts at trying to be cool, her awkward dates, her diet, the fact that she wears old high school Tshirts when she works out at the YMCA, her weekend plans to play online Boggle, even her television addiction. The list goes on and on. I actually considered writing down every Liz Lemon similarity, but somehow an episode would come on and something completely unattractive would happen to her, and I would gape at the TV because of how it aligned with my life. I made the editorial decision to not write down her high school humiliation because it only brings back uncomfortable memories. Also, I have my pride. My life is real, and however imaginary her life is, it is only funny because it is true. But I digress...

I will positively know that Liz Lemon is channeling my life when she finds Jesus and starts a blog. Wouldn't that be an interesting episode? Yeah, maybe not that interesting, but it would really be my Liz Lemon life then.

The Proof Is in the Picture

2010-04-23T10:13:00.000-07:00

Much to the delight of my mother, I actually spent an evening camping with my family. For a city girl, this is a profound step. I was not half as bad as the evil girlfriend from The Parent Trap movie, but camping has never been in my lexicon of experiences. Until now.

Darby was the one that really wanted to camp, so we willingly obliged her. And, it was a good experience for the whole family. For Darby, she wanted to cook all our food over a campfire. But for some reason, all the recipes she read about in her printed camping material never related that actually having warm food for dinner involves a one hour wait. Food takes a while to cook when natural gas is not involved. Scott's prehistoric camping equipment did not help us much, either. We did get to spend an enjoyable, mild, bug-free evening out in nature. I attempted to teach my family to play poker in our tent where we used flashlights to see our cards (see reference to prehistoric camping equipment to understand why flashlights were necessary.) I slept outside in a tent with my daughters with a yoga mat to cushion my backside. My husband, who has issues with crowds, slept in the car. When I awoke to the scene of the sun coming up over the lake, I decided that it was a good evening overall. And when we decided that boiling water was never going to happen, we escaped to a bakery in town and I went to some of my favorite little mountain shops. Momma like.

Mommin' It

2010-04-21T13:23:00.000-07:00

How many stereotypes can one mom confirm in one day?

I did my best. I made breakfast for children and sent them off to school, including one packed lunch. I fixed everyone's hair. I watched part of the Today show, waiting for a report about the amount of sodium and sugar in kid's diets. I clipped a mountain of coupons and put them into my coupon binder, completed a grocery shopping list, then highlighted various sale items from the grocery store flier. Cardio workout for 40 minutes, then weighed in because I am an overweight mom needing to drop a few. Cleaned up and styled my mom hair (curly today.) Volunteered at the kid's school. Went to grocery store and saved $75 on my final bill, while chatting with all the other ladies mommin' it and couponing at the grocery store. Picked up kid at school from the carpool line. Cleaned up my kitchen. Had a mom snack since I skipped lunch. Went on Facebook to read about all the other gals mommin' it in the world. And now I post to my mom blog, thinking about how much I can get done tomorrow, what I will cook for dinner tonight, and whether or not I can go one more day without doing yet another load of laundry.

There are some things that cannot be denied - I am definitely a mom. No minivan, no diaper bag, no mom jeans, but I can fully inhabit this role nonetheless. Now it's time to iron my husband's shirts...

Dating 101 - Franks' Style

2010-04-18T18:56:00.000-07:00

1. Take one kid to school.

2. Take another kid to the bus stop.

3. Hit the road for about 30 minutes.

4. Arrive at the designated date spot at 9 a.m.

5. Put on waders.

6. Tie on lures.

7. See some trout swimming in water.

8. Cast.

9. Watch fish swim around your lure.

10. Watch fish swim around your lure...again.

11. Switch to power bait.

12. Move up stream after fish mock your power bait some more.

13. Notice more good ol' boys showing up at your stretch of the crick.

14. Hold hands with beloved as you wade across creek.

15. Take picture of beloved wearing his spiffy new fishing vest.

16. Promise beloved that you will not put the picture on the blog.

17. Notice that beloved's fishing vest has front pockets placed in a most unfortunate place. Consider adding underwire support for said pockets.

18. Continue to fish in vain.

19. Pack it all in - that fishing hole is not worth the time.

20. Head to lunch with beloved and talk about what a wonderful morning it was. Reflect that the best part was holding hands in the river.

Good News for a Hoarding Wanna Be

2010-04-15T11:03:00.000-07:00

I never wanted to be a hoarder. The people on TV are much worse off than me. I hope I am not a hoarder. But sometimes I wonder...

I am married to an incredibly neat man. So, every small little stack of eight envelopes feels like I am backsliding. But when my stack of mail is ONLY eight envelopes, I feel like I am on top of things.

My issues get more complicated because of my responsibilities. I pay bills, so I am responsible for all the paperwork in this house. I am a coupon mom, so I have even more stacks of coupons, fliers, and internet printouts to add to the inbox. And, guess who is responsible for the taxes? Yep. So, for the past few days it appears that I am a hoarder. Piles upon piles of papers and stubs and coupons and bills, yet I still cannot find how much ad valorem I paid for our 1996 Ford Explorer last year (although I think it was about $35 or $36 dollars.)

These are the days that try men's souls, or my husband's soul.

I also hoard TV shows on my DVR. And I am coming to terms with this issue right now, because we switched our cable service provider today and every Big Bang Theory, every Community, every Loony Toons is a goner. My movies that I intend to watch someday (in the next six months) are no longer accessible. Plus, all the TV station numbers changed, so I will have to come to grips with that problem as well.

But good news for me! As I was entering in every last login on my taxes this morning, the new cable/internet/phone installer let me know that he has seen much worse.

And because I am so happy to have my taxes completed on time, I will choose to believe his comment. I am not a hoarder...yet.

Eight is Great

2010-04-12T13:04:00.000-07:00

Note to self: When running daughter's birthday party, make sure someone without OCD tendencies is the photographer. When you direct, "Take some pictures!", and you get three or four pictures of individual items on the party table, and approximately two pictures of guests without the birthday girl, you just have to say "Oh well" and move on because the moment is over. The photos do not reflect the sweet birthday party I threw for Roxy. I am posting only this picture because it conveys how much fun Roxy had.

Reflecting - An 8 Year Journey

2010-04-09T15:12:00.000-07:00

My baby ain't a baby anymore. Eight short years ago, I learned what motherhood is all about. I was in a hospital bed, having just convinced my husband to leave church and get to the hospital pronto, hoping he would get untied from his obligations before I dominoed baby #2. I had a three year old at preschool who was none too happy about a baby sister showing up, threatening to take her crown as Diva of the house. I had no cell phone, I hadn't brought my bag to the regularly scheduled doctor's appointment, and I now got to worry about whether or not Roxanne Skye would be a carrier of group B strep, which could make her ill since my water was broken. And I was just sitting there, lonely, knowing that this was the day when I no longer had any amount of control of my life. And when my husband left me alone with this Darby clone in the hospital so he could get the church bulletin finished, I knew the honeymoon was over. One kid is a piece of cake when you are a minister's wife, but it is a whole different ballgame with baby #2, and I better adjust my expectations of "control" pretty quick.

Roxy's entrance into the world was not exactly what I anticipated. Besides the fact that I had her without a planned epidural and my husband was sick in the bathroom due to profound anxiety, Roxy was peachy keen. And, she screamed her head off. The neonatologist had to check her because of the group B strep issue, and his comment was, "A sick child would never be this mad."

Rewind...did I just have an angry child? Oh Lord, no! I already had one of those.

But thankfully for me, no one is angry anymore, Scott is no longer ill at the thought of fatherhood, and I have embraced reality: I never had control and would never need control again. Being a parent to two children makes you learn what you are really made of - you learn the diplomacy of compromise, the art of negotiation, and the cleverness of finding every free kids meal in town because you have to, just to get by.

Roxy completes this family beautifully. She is so loving, so joyful, so thoughtful, and so ready to play at every moment of the day. Which is exactly what this trio of nerds needed. She keeps us laughing with all her Jim Carey-ish ways. She loves completely and unconditionally and tells you all about it everyday. What a joy.

Happy Birthday Rockstar!